Teal’s struggles
It has been over a month since my last blog. My life has been a roller coaster during that time because I was asked to retake the leadership of my company, ClinCapture, and I am still deeply entangled in the custody battle involving my children. Now, I am recovering from the last three weeks of traveling. What better way to spend this Sunday than by starting the series of blogs I promised Teal’s fans? Teal often challenges me on prioritizing things I have to do over things I want to do, which results in me neglecting my heart’s true calling. This is yet another example of how the law of attraction works. Another reason for the delay is that I am nowhere near Teal in terms of productivity and effectiveness. She typically writes, publishes, and announces her blog in less than three hours.
As I review the different topics I had listed for my blog content, I feel most inspired to start with “Teal’s Struggles,” coincidentally the first on the list. Teal has everything a woman could dream of: beauty, intelligence, money, and fame. However, she readily admits to being unhappy much of the time. This may seem counterintuitive, but it is more common than people realize. Sisi, the Empress Elisabeth of Austria, Frida Kahlo, Camille Claudel, Whitney Houston, Dalida, Sylvia Plath, and Marilyn Monroe are some of the most famous examples. Female artists with heightened sensitivity are often crushed by the harshness of this world, especially when they challenge the status quo.
The goal of this blog, however, is to delve into specifics rather than generalities. I do not know much about the intimate lives of these famous female artists who have illuminated and inspired millions while being trapped in their own affliction, but I do know about my Teal, whom I have shared my life with over the past year and known for much longer. So, what does she struggle with the most?
Safety is one of the most basic needs for human beings, especially women. The lack of safety creates deep anxiety. When I started dating Teal, she would wake up in deep anxiety, sometimes taking hours to emerge from it. Her relationship and breakup with Sarbdeep had plunged her into a severe dark night of the soul. Anxiety has been such a struggle for Teal throughout her life that she took propranolol, a beta-blocker sometimes used to control PTSD, for ten years. She had some discomfort and shame related to taking it, understanding the damage it caused. At the beginning of her career as a spiritual teacher, she felt out of alignment with what she was preaching, as she warns people against pharmaceutical drugs. Eventually, she let go of the drug, a difficult feat given its addictive nature, but courage and determination are not lacking in Teal.
Teal explains pre-development trauma in her blogs and videos. When we started dating last summer, despite her fears, she absorbed me into her life and inner world, yearning for the unconditional love a mother has for her child. Unfortunately, despite my eternal love for Teal, my struggles with disconnection, my complicated divorce with estranged children, and my business in California acted as salt on Teal’s wounds regarding her primary attachment trauma. Teal and I reflected recently that considering the pain my ex-wife’s situation has caused her, it is truly a miracle we are still together. Fortunately, a drastic shift happened recently when I decided to stand for inclusion with my future wife on the same day Teal realized the hidden meaning in my absurd family court case. While the challenge remains, both of us are now aligned, and Teal feels in control of her destiny rather than doomed to collateral damage. This situation has been Teal’s biggest struggle over the past year.
Unsafety comes in many forms. One reason Teal has been financially successful is the meaning she has created around financial safety. She has reached a point in her life where she is abundant, and money is not a restriction. I was surprised to witness her fear of lack of money. As we worked through the trigger together, we uncovered the trauma at its origin. As a child, Doc prostituted her in abject circumstances. Once, she did not show up for an appointment set by Doc. To avoid trouble, she gave Doc money a relative had given her, pretending it was payment for prostituting her. It worked. From that point, she realized the security money could provide, leading her to manifest a career as a model from age 12 to 19, safeguarding her from prostitution. Faced with the same alternative, many of us would have moved mountains as she did.
Physical safety is another area of struggle for Teal, which is why she married her bodyguard. The famous princess Stéphanie de Monaco married her bodyguard too. Not only does it feel unsafe being a princess with everyone wanting your attention, but she was in the car accident that led to her mother’s death when she was 17. Her mother was Princess Grace Kelly, adored by the whole world. Teal endured 13 years of physical torture, multiple car and ski injuries. Every time we board a plane, she feels deeply unsafe. It is hard for an extrasensory being in a crowded, confined environment bombarded by infrared, and she dreads the possibility of plane crashes. I once told her that I am not really affected by this fear as I feel there is nothing I can do about it, and I see it as one of the best deaths one could hope for: quick and painless. Teal explained that her picture of plane crashes involves unimaginable terror and pain. Her description was rather convincing. Teal also needs security at all her workshops. I have witnessed several security breaches, confirming the necessity of this precaution. She did not choose a safe career, but it is in her path of expansion.
While Teal has healed much of her broken self over the past 12 years to become the inspirational speaker, spiritual teacher, and successful woman we all know, she still struggles with occasional PTSD. Her intelligence and incredible mind stem partly from natural gifts but also from the 13 years of exposure to death and survival with Doc and the cult. I am generally an optimist and a happy person, while Teal is the opposite. We discovered that this stems from core beliefs: I believe God loves me, while Teal believes God hates her. These opposing beliefs have been deepened by various experiences over our lifetimes. The problem with beliefs is that they are highly subjective, and the mind always tries to corroborate them through facts. Thoughts create reality, leading to a hard-to-break spiral. When one is a child, life goes slower, so the 13 years Teal spent in the cult equate to a lifetime of interminable suffering. Being a pessimist in these circumstances is helpful; at least you can be right and not too disappointed. The mind remains in a constant state of hyperactivity to ensure survival, requiring control over the environment as a single mistake could be fatal. This haunting past makes it difficult for Teal to relax. She dreads napping because her life has been Murphy’s law in action: “If something can go wrong, it will.” She cannot afford to leave things to chance. For example, I had used Airbnb for six years without a single bad experience, but the one time I used it with her in San Francisco, it ended up a disaster. I have rented cars for 20 years without coverage without any issue. Since I have known Teal, I had my front windshield damaged by a rock on the highway, damaged a side door while parking, had my car burglarized, and a convicted felon hit my car while it was stationary. I now think twice about declining car rental insurance. Within a month of our relationship, I miraculously survived a car crash when a drunk driver hit us at 80 mph in a 35 mph zone. After a few weeks with Teal, my life had become complete chaos. The pressure was such that I had to commit to loving this woman and fighting for our relationship as long as I could breathe. I have this inside joke that Teal is not a woman but a tornado! Teal is a catalyst; everything unresolved blows up in your face as you get closer to this extraordinary woman. I have many other examples, such as being assaulted by an unstable woman during a Romeo & Juliet ballet performance. It is critical for everyone in contact with her to be a self-improvement addict as expansion is accelerated around her at unprecedented speed. This extends to friends, vendors, acquaintances, my family, and my business. This is another reason she attracts so much controversy. Some people who come into contact with her are unwilling to self-reflect and accept the expansion possibilities, turning into haters. People tend to judge and criticize what they do not understand, and the rational mind can hardly grasp all the multidimensional aspects of this extraordinary woman. Teal is given no break, so it is not surprising she struggles to change her belief that God hates her. Being with her is like being thrown into an alternate reality between the static 3D world and a dream state where the best or worst can manifest instantly. Blake, Graciela, and I know from experience how important it is to keep her in the best state possible, or else everything around her starts to deteriorate.
One of the main factors that make our relationship safer is Teal’s willingness to be introspective with her own triggers. I self-trained in using her Completion Process technique as early as 2014, applying it in jail environments as a volunteer to heal inmates’ past traumas and launching the Silicon Valley Teal Tribe. At the time, I didn’t realize how valuable this decision would prove to be. When Teal gets badly triggered, which can sometimes lead to dissociative states, she always responds affirmatively when I ask if she is willing to work consciously with the unresolved emotion. After spending 15 years with a woman who made me responsible for all her negative emotions and lashed out at me at any opportunity, this was a breath of fresh air.
Due to the immense pain she endured in her childhood, some of these healing sessions can be intense. For example, during our last trip to Berlin, I informed Teal that I might need to travel more frequently to San Francisco since the board of directors had reinstated me as the CEO of the corporation. Knowing Teal struggles with separation anxiety, I tried to position it positively by explaining that if the company succeeds, it would create financial security for both of us and provide significant resources for our future endeavors. Teal got badly triggered, and as we returned to the hotel room, she retreated to the empty bathtub, dissociating into her 8-year-old self. Doc used to make her sleep in the bathtub, convincing her it was the only safe place from demons, but in reality, it was just an easy place for him to clean her from her own blood after he had tortured her. Fortunately, part of her awareness remained present, and I started using the Completion Process on her. Doc would make her endure the worst torture, insisting it was for her own good (similar to how I explained my travels to California were for her own good). I encouraged her to go to an even earlier memory. Teal regressed to being a baby, with her mother changing her diapers. Bobbie, rather abrupt, saw it as a chore. Baby Teal felt violated, but Bobbie told her it was for her own good. I completed the process, helping Teal reintegrate this fragment of herself. We’ve learned to apply this process on each other to integrate our unhealed aspects. The more we do it, the less threatening it becomes, building trust and vulnerability between us.
Teal has been very open and honest about her triggers. Some of her fans might find them exaggerated, but I can confirm she is remarkably congruent between her writings and daily life. Sometimes, she feels exhausted from constantly working on herself, doing processes, journaling, or meditating almost every day. She occasionally feels that living in a constant state of pain and self-improvement is no way to live. I’ve reassured her that I found peace only after turning 39, following a brain concussion that led to a more heart-centered life. Not only did Teal experience 100 times more trauma than I did during her childhood, but she is only 31. I reassure her that by the time she turns 40, she will be much happier, having healed more of her childhood wounds. In the year I’ve spent with her, I’ve seen so much healing and transformation that I am more concerned about catching up with her. Teal once told me she has only met one person who went through a similar ordeal, and that woman is in an institution.
Teal has a unique destiny. Despite enduring a horrendous childhood, she received more gifts than most of us and possesses the magnificent soul of an ascended master. Her journey home is an inspiration and hope for millions that everything can be healed. Teal’s struggles are real, and every time she heals a fragment of herself, she resonates with thousands stuck in similar patterns, ready to be freed. Teal receives hundreds of letters and emails monthly from fans thanking her for transforming or saving their lives. She has achieved this by saving herself and sharing her personal journey with the world in the most eloquent and articulated way. I could not be prouder to share my life with this phenomenal woman. The intensity, challenges, and drama pale in comparison to everything I have learned and received through her.