It is Easter Sunday, March 27th, 2016. Mark, Teal’s son’s father, and I are holding Winter’s hands as we walk, swinging him forward with each step. He delights in this, asking us to do it over and over again. Teal is on my right, and Blake, Gabija, and Graciela are just behind us as we begin a small hike in the Utah wilderness. Easter egg hunting is a tradition that Teal started with our intentional community years ago. As I observe Winter’s joy and feel the mutual appreciation between Mark and me, a pang of sadness grips my heart. My children seem so far away. I miss them and wonder why we are prevented from sharing the love we have for each other. I start to dream about a day when my ex-wife, our children, Teal, and I could hike together and enjoy each other’s company. Given the current situation, landing on Mars seems easier. However, I am a man of faith, and this wouldn’t be the first time in my life that I’ve beaten the odds.
My parents divorced when I was ten. My mother left us to be with the love of her life, to whom she is still married today. I was left with my dad, who quickly remarried. My stepmother felt threatened by the presence of my sister and me, seeing us as competition. Already crushed by my mother’s abandonment (which I interpreted as a sign that something was wrong with me), I knew I couldn’t endure another abandonment. My sister and I were difficult to connect with due to the divorce, but my stepmother’s insecurities led her to do everything she could to send us back to our mother. She created painful situations for us, only to twist them and prove to our father that we were treating her badly, resulting in our discipline.
Once, when I was eleven, we were in the woods with our dad, and he suggested we pick wildflowers for our new stepmother. His idea was that this would help us all get along. When we brought the flowers home and handed them to her, she took them with exasperation and threw them in the trash. I was in shock. It felt like I had opened myself up to her, trying to please my father, only to have my heart ripped out. I felt like those flowers represented me—something to be disposed of. That feeling continued for much of my life.
My stepmother also made my mother the enemy. She quickly became pregnant, trying to secure her place and push us out of the picture. My father gave up on us without ever truly disappearing. Living in a different part of France with our mother, he visited only twice a year, shunned by my stepmother before and after each visit. His visits, filled with the heaviness of his heart, often made us feel worse.
It was only later in life that I realized the double abandonment I experienced when my father sent us back to our mother. I had failed to keep my father after losing my mother because I couldn’t make his new wife happy. Deep in my subconscious, I felt I needed to prove I could get my father back by making my stepmother happy.
When I was 26, I met my ex-wife and quickly fell in love, not realizing I was marrying my stepmother. Both were Aries—organized, responsible, emotionally unavailable, judgmental, black-and-white thinkers, hardworking, inflexible, with borderline narcissistic traits and social anxiety. I was a match for her because I was codependent, desperately craving to be needed and to belong, struggling with self-worth and abandonment issues. From the outside, our life seemed good: we were successful Silicon Valley professionals with great kids, a nice house, and fun, exotic vacations. But our relationship was rocky from the start, filled with crises typical of a codependent/narcissistic toxic relationship. I did everything to keep the marriage together, promising myself that my children would never experience the trauma of divorce that I did. For me, the idea of them suffering like I had was non-negotiable. I told myself I had to make it work until they went off to college.
In the last two years of our marriage, I became increasingly aware of my longing for a spiritual, introspective woman with whom I could fully experience intimacy. I had been spiritual since my first awakening at 19, but my ex detested spirituality, seeing it as something for hippies disconnected from reality. I started to entertain the idea of my own happiness, considering that it might be better for the children to have happy, separated parents rather than miserable, married ones. Exactly 15 years after we met, my ex and I mutually agreed to separate.
For the next two days, I was overjoyed about the decision, feeling that a brand-new life full of promise awaited me. This was followed by a brief period of depression as fear of the future set in. I moved into a small apartment next to my ex-in-laws and allowed myself to go through all the emotions of grief. Within a month, I felt healed and ready to move on. I was resolved, having fully realized the potential of that relationship, and I harbored no resentment. I wanted to do the best for the children during this transition. We prepared a script, and my ex and I did a good job announcing the separation to the children. We cried together on the couch, reassuring them that the separation had nothing to do with them and that we loved them very much.
During that time, I took my mother-in-law and ex-grandmother to a wedding out of state. We kept a pre-booked family vacation to New York, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC, and I celebrated my ex’s birthday with the children there. There was tension, especially as we discussed the financial aspects of the divorce, but it was manageable. I could spend time with the children whenever I wanted, and communication was relatively functional.
However, everything changed when, during a therapy session six months after our separation, I told my ex that I was starting to date Teal. That revelation triggered an all-out war. For nine months, we’ve been caught in this conflict, the greatest source of stress for Teal and I but also the greatest source of our growth. I will spare you the individual incidents of abuse towards Teal and myself, focusing instead on the overarching events.
Man’s law is not fair; the law of attraction is fair.
I managed to negotiate a court order with a detailed custody agreement allowing me to see the kids one week a month in California and for them to vacation with us in our Park City home. This agreement was violated from the start by my ex. I would make reservations or plan trips, only for her to tell me at the last minute that the kids were not ready to spend time with me. After repeated violations, I filed for contempt of court to enforce my custody rights. Her response was to file a Child Protective Services report against me while I hadn’t seen the children for a month. At the hearing, she presented slanderous content about Teal from the Internet, convincing the emergency screener that Teal was a dangerous cult leader who should not have contact with the children. The children, well-rehearsed, expressed their terror of Teal despite never having met her. The court, misinterpreting Teal’s social media following as a cult following, ruled that my children should have no contact with her. This temporary order also stated that I had to return the children anytime they wanted to be with their mother, effectively stripping me of custody due to their alienation and dependence on their mother.
Kids usually side with the emotionally abusive parent.
It is counterintuitive, but it makes sense. Kids focus on self-preservation, avoiding the wrath of the emotionally abusive parent while understanding that rejecting the non-abusive parent has little consequence. This leads to a destructive behavior called emotional parentification, where the child becomes the parent’s confidante, champion, and surrogate partner. This is extremely unhealthy, robbing children of their childhood and making it difficult for them to have normal adult relationships later in life. In my case, my son became the man of the family, replacing me, and my daughter became her mother’s protector, both bearing burdens too heavy for their small shoulders.
Children are treated simultaneously as irresponsible minors and responsible adults in cases of parental alienation.
My children were nine and eleven when we finalized the custody rights. They were not consulted in the process, as courts typically consider minors’ opinions only after they turn fourteen. My ex and I signed the initial custody agreement without consulting them. Therapists often spend more time understanding the children’s wishes, but they miss the parental influence. In our last court hearing, despite their young age, the court took my children’s wishes seriously, not realizing they were well-rehearsed. Initially, I fought hard to spend time with my children, understanding their abuse towards me as a transfer of their mother’s anger. However, I realized that whether influenced by my ex or not, they still experienced those emotions as theirs. Forcing them to spend time with me would only traumatize them and further alienate them from me. Effective reconnection requires either support from the custodial parent or waiting until the children genuinely desire to reconnect.
Custody battles are corrosive to your relationship.
Custody battles are corrosive to relationships. Despite sharing my life with a very conscious woman, this situation has been the biggest source of tension between Teal and me. Fortunately, all the tension in our relationship stems from external events, as we treasure every moment we spend together. No woman wants her life constantly disrupted by an ex’s latest flare-up, and it is difficult to accept that a bond with another woman, due to children, can never be undone. But when the ex directly attacks the new partner, joins a hate group, and disparages her in court by obtaining a temporary order labeling her a dangerous cult leader, the struggle takes on a whole new magnitude. When the children of the man you love have been programmed to hate you and make you the scapegoat for their distress, it is no longer a normal blended-family situation. Compound this with Teal’s post-traumatic stress, history of abuse, separation anxiety, ostracism trauma, and extraordinary sensitivity, and you can better understand why this situation has become hellish for her. I pray every day that she can withstand this pressure, continue to love me, and want to share our lives together despite all this torment. At this point, my ex is nothing short of obsessed with making my life miserable. Therefore, it is critical to put buffers between myself and her, ensuring that therapists are involved in our communications to avoid escalation and the abuse so common in codependent relationships like ours.
Should children always be the priority?
In high-conflict divorces, therapists and court personnel are trained to prioritize the children’s interests far above the parents’ personal desires and wishes. While this makes sense at first glance because children are defenseless and conflict is so damaging to them, I have had multiple therapists discourage me from introducing the children to Teal. They suggested I take vacations alone with the kids and avoid mentioning Teal, arguing that Teal, as an adult, should understand that the kids should come first.
Teal is incredibly supportive and conscious, but it would not be self-loving for her to have a partner living a double life and making her a lesser priority. Due to her complex PTSD, Teal also suffers from separation anxiety, and my trips to California for business and to visit the kids already bring her a lot of torment. Taking separate vacations without her would put even more stress on our relationship, which is my lifesaver today. Without her love and support, I am unsure if I could face all the current challenges in my life. The truth is, the children will not be ready to meet Teal until my ex allows it or until they grow up and develop more independence from her. Following the experts’ advice would leave me at the mercy of my borderline narcissist ex, keeping me single and miserable to comfort her belief that I am doomed without her and that I have destroyed her life by separating from her, regardless of whether the divorce was mutually agreed upon.
Unfortunately, my ex uses our children as pawns to control me, damaging them in the process. The temptation to give up to protect the children from conflict is strong. Custody battles like mine are like Solomon’s dilemma. Two women in a village fought over a baby, both claiming it as theirs. Solomon suggested cutting the baby in half so each could have a piece. One woman agreed, while the other refused, saying the other woman could have the baby. This revealed the true mother, willing to sacrifice her claim for the child’s sake. In my situation, it is tempting to retreat from my ex’s toxicity and focus on my new relationship. But I am aware of the abandonment trauma it could create for the children. It is a lose-lose situation. In severe parental alienation cases, when support from the custodial parent is impossible, I have learned it is best to be patient, stay present in the children’s lives with periodic messages of love and gifts, and wait for them to initiate contact. Unfortunately, reconnection can take many years, if it ever happens.
Be true to your values.
I have come to understand that no matter what I do today, my children will reject me because they have accumulated a lot of grief from our high-conflict divorce, and my ex’s unresolved emotions are being actively transferred to them. It is unrealistic to expect a different outcome. From that perspective, it makes no sense to act in a way that would make me look good to external observers instead of acting out of personal integrity. Today, my life is with the woman I love, and I see no reason to hide or pretend she does not exist. My children need to understand that it is conditional love to demand a relationship with me only if Teal is not in the picture. Both Teal and I understand that we must be careful in introducing her to my children. We planned a six-month delay for the introduction, but my ex did everything to prevent it. Now, after nine months, my ex managed to get the court to block the introduction. Therapists have been avoiding the topic, falsely assuming that reconnecting with my children first would make it easier to introduce Teal later. They fail to understand that what my children and ex say and do in front of specialists differs from their actions when not observed. The children have made it clear without specialists watching that they will not accept Teal because my ex has made her the scapegoat for the divorce, their father’s absence, and their mother’s pain. They will not be ready to see or accept Teal until my ex is ready for them to do so, and she is unlikely to ever be ready.
It is hard for me to have hope, as my childhood divorce situation was less dramatic than my children’s. My mother never prevented my stepmother from seeing us or badmouthed her behind her back. My mother posed no threat to my stepmother, who was included in every family gathering and was never barred from joining my father on visits. Still, it took 25 years for my stepmother to agree to meet my mother, catalyzed by a fallout between my ex-wife and my stepmother. Both my mother and stepmother shared stories of their pain from being alienated from my children by my ex. Years ago, my ex decided she didn’t want my children to spend time with my French family, and they haven’t seen any of them for years.
To be true, I cannot put my life on hold for that long. Many people would be ecstatic to include a stepmother like Teal, who is wise, fun, and kind-hearted. Unfortunately, she has been portrayed as an evil witch, and my children miss out on the benefits of this connection.
Internet research: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
With the court system and many therapists behind the curve on parental alienation, finding online content has been a lifesaver. Books like “Divorce Poison” and “Overcoming the Co-Parenting Trap” have been helpful, but the most valuable knowledge has come from Dr. Craig Childress, whose insights fit my situation precisely. While knowledge doesn’t immediately solve the ordeal, it helps me accept it, feel better about it, and develop a plan for resolution. However, internet content can have pitfalls, as it’s easy to find perspectives that justify your anger, vindictive impulses, and self-righteousness. This can isolate you and deepen a vengeful mindset, creating more pain and torment.
I was also surprised to find many support groups for alienated men. Our patriarchal society means women have little power, so they often control children’s lives. The justice system is biased towards mothers and against fathers before you even step into the courtroom. Enforcing your rights as a father is difficult. You are vilified whether you fight for your children or give up.
Message to my children:
I think of you and miss you every day. When I imagine us reconnecting as we did before the divorce, I find naive tears welling up in my eyes, which I try to repress to keep my hopes in check. No matter who you are or what you do, I will always be there for both of you. I see and feel your pain, and I am deeply sorry for it. I have made mistakes along the way, but I promise you that I have never given up on you. Every day, you are at the center of my focus, working towards resolving my conflict with your mum so that we can all be happy together within this new, separated family structure. You have every right to feel the way you do, and I want to work things out with you. I long to be close to you again, to laugh and enjoy life together. When you are ready, I hope you will give Teal a chance. She is a wonderful woman, and you would enjoy talking to her and learning from her. My daughter, you and Teal share a passion for horses, fashion, and arts & crafts. My son, you would enjoy skiing with her and sharing your excitement for dance. I love you now and forever.
Message to my ex:
I know much has been done and said, and it is hard to forgive. We have been told repeatedly that our conflict is damaging our children. By healing our relationship, we heal our children. By giving up on winning against each other, we make our children win. I have my flaws, and you have yours. We can continue to manipulate our world to make ourselves look like the good guy and the ex the bad guy, but for what purpose? People either do not care, or they can see through us and feel ashamed for both of us and sad for our children. Whether we like it or not, we will be family for the rest of our lives because we have children together. We were lovers, best friends, partners, husband and wife. We spent a significant part of our lives together, immortalized through our children. We do not need to hate each other. When you are ready, I would like to earn your trust and respect and maybe become friends again in the future. Life is too short to fight. Please allow me to see the children for 30% of the time as we agreed in the divorce settlement, to meet their future stepmother, and to spend time in our Park City home. This is all I am asking. You will get more free time for yourself, save money, and the kids will enrich their lives with a second family. We have everything to gain by taking a path of reconciliation and everything to lose by keeping the war.
Message to the Tealers:
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support. As Teal’s partner, I feel privileged to receive your love too. Your gentle words, unconditional support, and caring responses have meant a lot to me and have given me courage during these trying times. Complete strangers have often shown me more affection and appreciation than family and old friends. I embrace you as my soul family. To finish this blog, I would like to ask you one last favor. Please go inside your heart and visualize an Easter egg hunt with Teal, me, Winter, members of our intentional community, my children, and my ex. All of us having fun together, sharing jokes, connecting, and watching the kids run into the Utah wilderness to be the first to find the candies. Your prayers and heartfelt intentions can change the world. Please make this miracle of love that we were meant to create together possible.
Every divorce has its pains. Thank you for sharing yours. Absolutely anything is possible. My ex and I have made up. I even get along with her new relationships, and her with mine. To prove anything is possible I want to share that this next June we are having a combined vacation. I never thought that was possible but it is. Keep on creating. Anything is possible. Anything. Love you guys.
Ale, with all my heart I feel your wishes will come true. I feel it.
My heart breaks for you and I can hardly see through the tears to type this. I too have faced this very same thing. I left my Aires, cold and controlling spouse of 20 years on mutual agreement. However with my children being older they chose to spend less time with me. Then I met a wonderful man. Sensitive and gentle. My ex hates this man and dug up all the dirt he could to threaten my time with my children, already being scarce. I let the man go for fear of losing my children to my Exs control. I have lost them anyway. My ex met a woman they love and they are all a big happy family now and I am alone. I made the wrong choice. I made the wrong decision. One that I know any mother would have battled. But I am alone now anyway. Hold on to Teal and the love you share. You cannot force the abuser to change or to even recognize the damage they do to the children. Live your truth. Best of luck to you and Teal in the future.
And so it shall be… I will hold your intention. As the years pass, the truth will be known to your children and they will come to you. Trust the Universe. Please be happy with your/our Teal and know that as a community we support you in love and friendship. Peace.
Teal separation anxiety may be the key. Explore how those anxieties can be slowly reduced over time, little by little. Make working on those shadows the priority in your lives.
This is quite a drama. With Sarbdeep’s blog, l now await your ex-wife’s writings to make my reading of this little novela complete. I feel like digging a hole putting my head in it.
i think u hit the nail on the head there dude.
Dear Precious Soul Brother Ale.
Hello. My name is Jen Klarfeld, Artist, Soul Artist, Writer, “Healer” & Member of the Teal Tribe.
I too have been facing all levels of shadow feelings and stuckness lately! Last night I stayed up into the wee hours, listening to Teal’s movie previews, introductions, and an intense interview with Teal. I am always deeply moved my her highly unique & moving life story, as well as those of each awesome human kindred spirit family member.
I have battled abandonments of being adopted, my Father’s flight of divorce to California at my ripe young age of 10 & 12, and the life long srtuggle of being the only and further complicated, adopted child of a martyred, betrayed, raging Borderline, Narcissist Mother, drama wielding actress, who has unconsciously directed her emotional incestful needs, cords, wars, attacks, rage, fear and underlying ancient grief, in a package of helplessness, hopelessness & vampire like burden. I have learned to lose myself in people, dramas, circumstances & the external human needs I perceive around me.
Still wading through multiple levels of my own feelings, needs, fears & shadow struggles, to birth my own giant, infinite, love filled being and set of gifts!
Teal impresses, inspires and catalyzes me forward & slowly back into “divinity in motion!” With her wise counsel to we the human family, to feel our feelings fully, and create a joyful, loving, creative life from this our lead… Our Source within!
I love who you are, all that you expressed, so openly. I love what Teal says about what if we all lived, spoke & expressed with total transparency!
Thanks for trailblazing such a path.
A friend once channeled info on Borderline Personality Disorder. Something came through that these are people who have forgotten we are god, and that have lost their soul connection. My Mom is not very strong when t comes to intimacy. Over all it taxes and scares her. It seems also what she craves most.
Thank you for boldly exposing your heart, light, love, pain & tenderness. May love, true soul family, friendship, integrity & truth see you through to the other side… Where we all find faith, trust, support, willingness & kindness to help us all remember who we truly are!
Blessings, love, thriving and triumph!
Bless your dear hearts!
I feel greatly for what you are facing. It hits so many families so hard, and it is never easy. When the truth of who you are and what a relationship means to you goes against societal expectation, it makes it even harder as seems the case with the love between you and Teal. We forget how long human lives really are, and so many of the divorce therapists and such involved in legal battles do not evaluate the whole of everyone’s needs from life. Indeed, children’s needs shall be met, but not at the sacrifice of our own. I truly hope the best for this scenario. I imagine and send positivity to the possibility that your family in it’s entirety may walk in peace together. Love.
I can so relate to your story Parental Alienation is real. Moving on with your life is hard but necessary and it is okay to have happiness….
<3 Thank You
I wish for your children to be reunited with you and for all conflict to be resolved amongst everyone concerned. Thank you for being real and sharing this. May light and all that is good be sent your way.
Much love to you and Teal
My Heart is Breaking while reading this!!! How long people will use their children to manipulate their partners??? When the awakening moment will come to our reality? WHEN? And How?
I just found the book “The Parental Alienation Syndrome” on Amazon this weekend and read the reviews on Amazon. I now know what happened to my family of origin. My mother was a narcissist but I didn’t know that until the time Teal wrote about narcissism; my father was alcoholic and abandoned us totally when I was 14. I still wanted to see him and when I was older I did so. It was difficult because I did feel like I could lose my mother by seeing him. What I didn’t realize is that with a narcissistic mother, I really didn’t have a mother, not the way others did and still do. My dad’s new wife was wonderful towards me and my dad was sober. I don’t really blame him for leaving now that I realize how impossible it was. I feel for your situation. In the end, I abandoned my mom because she didn’t want to be real about anything. I also found the book “Will I ever be good enough: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers” and read the reviews for that book this weekend. Teal’s healing work has been totally inspirational for me, especially “Healing the emotional body”. I think a family therapist who understands parental alienation completely would be helpful. My sisters remained alienated from my dad. I chose to break away from them all pretty much. I really feel for your situation and suggest you do John Newton’s work: http://www.healingbeyondbelief.com because we all have so much ancestral stuff we carry and you may try the free calls first. Things come off layer by layer for me and the trauma is mostly cleared. Both of my parents had alienation/abandonment themes in their lineage. I am so happy you and Teal found each other.
I support you ALL in your endeavors and will send this energy to the universe! Infinite love and peace to you all!
Hey Ale, I’ve always thought of you as a talented person, with a taste for making your personal world a progressive one. I only hope that in the end you keep being a visionary and successful man and that your beautiful relationship with Teal keeps flourishing. Philippe Augy.
Hello, I stumbled upon Teal awhile ago and enjoy listening to her videos. I am not a follower of anyone, but I enjoy many people that are meaningful.
You articulated your feelings very well
You had purpose and meaning
You had intention, and some attempts at surrender and acceptance.
It truly is amazing what we have to or chose to endure in this lifetime to evolve.
It is also amazing how little control we have over ourselves let alone external triggers. I have had my share as well..
I know Teal has said plenty on many topics but I will share my easiest tool I use to get back to peace….”there are only 2 emotions, love and fear. Many of us have experienced what pure love feels like. That is real. Every other emotion besides love has fear as the denominator.”
Love or fear. When you arent feeling love from others or yourself , you are feeling or experiencing fear which is not real.
Whenever i feel a negative trigger instead of trying to figure it out i say “oh, fear is here” i can then figure out why i or.they are experiencing fear if i feel i have to please my thinking mind. When you realize you or your company is in fear mode, it is a bit easier to have grace, acceptance and surrender…
Believe me, i needed to write this for myself today, and you get to be the lucky recipient lol..,,,,,,I have had plenty to endure during my 46 years, but I did get the divorce with the ex and our significant others to go right. I GET INFURIATED WHEN PEOPLE HATE THEIR SPOUSE MORE THAN THEY LOVE THEIR KIDS. I guess we have to remind ourselves that your kids somehow chose or attracted this lesson to evolve……if mental, physical,or emotional abilities are stunted between you and your kids, then your last option( and the most meaningful one) is trying to keep your vibration as high and consistant as you can….I saw many comments and you don’t have to choose your kids over Teal or vice versa. You choose peace. You choose your highest potential of YOURSELF. Then the opportunities and answers that come will be as pure as you are…….be well, xoxo kris
That was a brave, very raw and authentic blog Ale. A wonderful expression of the truth in your heart. I will hold the vision of you all finding peace with the situation and each other, sharing Thanks Giving together, fun times and challenging times together united as a family. Being able to reflect on the current situation as wounds that just needed some time to heal. No bad people just fleshy wounds that took time to recover and heal.
When the dust is able to settle on this current storm, everyone will see themselves more clearly and honestly. The need to be happy and at peace with life will override the need to be right or justified.
I hold this vision for you and anyone else lost in the same storm.
And so be it !!!!!!!
Much love and warmest blessings. Australia
A few things, as obviously the kids and the ex are going to see this blog. If your intention is to heal the relationship, build bridges, resolve conflict, then publicly pointing out that in your opinion your ex is narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, closed minded, abusive, dumping her emotional baggage onto the children, and that she is immature and borderline might not be the best way to go about the aforementioned things. The way you are portraying yourself vs her is very very skewed. You are attempting to come across as the mature, open minded, balanced, emotionally available, stable, loving, warm, person. It is very obvious you are incredibly angry and this blog did not veil that. Secondly I think it was a big mistake to send messages to the kids, the ex, and Tealers. Even if by some off chance you managed to touch your ex wifes heart with what you said, putting the message to Tealers right after your message to her was a sure way for her to jump on the cult thing and dismiss and be more than slightly patronized by what you said. I mean what sounds more cultlike than Tealers? This situation is really devastating to see, but I truly think with this blog you’ve made things faaaar worse than better. This blog to your ex wife would be infuriating, humiliating, watching you on your high horse, and wildly inappropriate, as well as betraying, insulting, and very very painful. The pain you are causing with it can just not be worth it. I also wanted to mention if your ex wife has been talking to Cameron Clark, then you need to understand how serious the situation is that the kids not be around Teal (in your ex wife’s opinion). I personally find Teal’s work very helpful, and I have no idea who she really is and I’m not going to have an opinion about that. But if your wife has heard that side of the story, then if she loves her kids at all she will NEVER voluntarily let her kids anywhere near her. I do not mean to offend with my comment, I just truly wish to offer a perspective that may be helpful as I see it. I cringed when you included the message to Tealers as the final slap in the face to your ex, and if you mean at all what you say about healing and cooperating, I think you should rethink what your doing with this blog.
Ale thank you beyond words for sharing your story. I will now also share it because it will resonate with so many souls who live with the effects of narcissism. My words to you now may not sit right with you so I urge you to read and re-read them until they do.
Your pain will be made more bearable if, when you feel the strength of it coming over you in a wave, you simply sit with it and let your body accept and almost relish the feeling. Don’t fight it – let your body truly love the pain. Let your body forgive itself for the pain. You have to Ale- because if you do not love the pain it will literally cripple you. I feel tremendous love for your sacrifice and pray that all our pain is loved. By loving our pain we then love our children’s pain so that their little bodies do not hurt so much.
I practice as an EFT and matrix re-imprinting practitioner. If you want a Skype session (I live in the UK) I guarantee to share with you a technique to help your pain ( your years of pain) subside massively. Once mastered it will also help you to help others which is clearly your life’s mission and the reason you suffer now.
Wonderful. What an intelligent, progressive and thoughtful being you are. I wish everyone had a father like you or had the influence of your type of masculine energy in their life. This was very healing to read, as someone who had parents with a messy break up and a very controlling mother who made my step mum’s life hell. I am now in a situation as a step mum, my partner’s ex is wonderful, it is my partner’s mother who cant accept these changes and works to ostracise me. Thank you so much, i send you my love and can see why a beacon such as Teal has fallen for you. May all five of you find peace x
What a beautiful message Ale. Just so you know, I have already visualized all of you having fun and enjoying life together. I see you all laughing and playing around with the kids. I see Teal’s son playing with your kids as well, running around and holding each other’s hands.
Life is all about love, knowing that everything is going to be more than ok right?
I wish with all my heart that in a very near future, all humanity is capable of loving each other unconditionally.
I myself have been giving love to many friends and people I do care tremendously, only to find out that they were scared of being loved, making them run away from me. It is not easy to deal with those kind of situations, but I have learned that the only thing I can do for them and for myself is to love them even more, even if they keep running away from me as far as possible. I have noticed that even though most of them do not talk to me (yet), every time I sent them love, I have a huge smile on my face, knowing that they too love me, otherwise they would not be so afraid to be close to me 🙂
I am not sure if what I have said makes any sense to any of you, but I do know for sure that my love for you guys will help you to come close together as the wonderful family you already are 😊
Sending you lots and lots of love,
Judi
wow. My heart goes out to you and i see the incredible Father you are. What trying times when all things exterior seems to invalidate your existence and intentions. Just beginning to read the first words of your message to your kids I cried, I cried hard. i cried for you, For me, For everyone in the world who feels like they are trying their best and all they can do is wait. All they can do is try to trust when you don’t know how. Try to believe when you dont think you can. I’m sorry. i know what its like. We know what its like. We hear your story, We feel it. I will picture you and your kids and Teal and her son running and playing with crisp air and excitement. Thank you for sharing and thank you Teal for your honesty. It inspires others. It inspires me. Thank you.
Taylor Sage
Good luck to you both!
That’s one big, brave post…! I’ve never been in a situation like that, so I can’t give advice…but my best wishes go out to all of you.
Bonjour Ale,
Je souhaite t’écrire quelques mots en espérant très sincèrement que tout va bientôt s’arranger.
J’aimerais te dire que tu as bien raison de penser que la guerre avec ton ex-femme n’est pas une solution. Le guerre n’est qu’une réponse de situation temporaire et ne peut régler de conflit durablement. Tu gagne une bataille ou même deux, mais personne ne gagne jamais cette guerre, c’est une chimère. Il est temps pour toi de retrouvé le bonheur avec t’a nouvelle compagne, de retrouver t’es enfants aussi. La vie n’est qu’un compte à rebours, il faut donc vivre chaque minute et être gourmand de celle-ci.
Nul n’as de solution parfaite pour cette histoire, mais je reste persuadé que la clé est en toi, dans ton cheminement et t’a recherche du dialogue. Tu as raison de poursuivre dans cette voie, c’est un chemin bien long, mais au détour de celui-ci, tu découvrira t’es vrais amie(e)s, tu sera combien ils peuvent être sensibles à ton bonheur ou à t’es peines.
Je te souhaite du bonheur à répétition, garnie de plein d’amour et de joie, le tous arrosé des rires de t’es des enfants.
Amitié,
Regis
As a former clinical psychologist I truly admire your openess and wish to
go forward with positive relationships with the people who mean the most to you. It will most likely take time, but in time all concerned will “get it” and heal. All best wishes.
Please go inside your heart, visualize an Easter egg hunt with Teal, Myself, Winter, the members of our intentional community and also my children and my ex wife. Picture all of us having fun together, sharing jokes, connecting and see the kids running into the Utah wilderness to be the first to find the hidden treasures there. Your prayers and your heart’s intention can change the world. Please make this miracle possible, the miracle of Love that we were meant to create… together.
DONE!
Elimar Orlopp
This is heart breaking reading, having just been in a similar situation myself. I was the new relationship which triggered the ex to go psycho crazy. She told my boyfriend that he would never see the kids again, called me all kinds of names and started poisoning the small children’s minds against him. She lashed out in all directions and he couldn’t bear the possibility of not seeing his children again, so when his ex said she wanted him back he ended things with me. He went back to a controlling manipulative destructive relationship thinking his kids would be happier that way and that he would be too. He gave up on me to be with someone who obviously has no idea what unconditional love means. The saddest thing is we all lose- she didn’t want him, she just wanted him to be unhappy, and hated that he was happy with me, the kids will now be growing up in an environment of conflict and sadness because their parents are living a lie and will spend their lives punishing each other for it, and we (me and the father) lose a happy relationship. It is a tragedy that mothers can get away with using their children as emotional weapons, there is nothing a man can do. It creates such pain and sadness, and so many tortured adults as a result.
I wish you luck, love and strength
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate. No, the justice system does not protect children and it does not act in their best interest. The justice system enables abusers to continue holding their victims in a sticky web of manipulation and control. Sending out prayers for all of our alienated children, knowing that we can’t know why they chose this life path for themselves, but knowing they are on their paths regardless.
Rev. Rae Moonwind
Dear Mark,
I read your letter very careflly. I completely understand that all these years have been very difficult for you to experience. But the experience you needed. Your soul be attracted and arranged. Nothing happens without a reason. Nobody comes into our lives by chance. We are all connected to each other, and every man is a gift. The more difficult the relationship, the greater the chance for spiritual growth. Each partner is right for us at the moment. It is a gift that our soul gives love. Teal appeared in your life to support you, but even after that, you took a step forward. No relationship is not one-sided. Suffering and injustice which her met, was it meant in this relationship. She had the experience to be able to see yourself in this. It’s quite possible that your love is based on mutual development through drama. When will peace of mind, you will not have for themselves attractive. Such is the way of things. Nobody is in our possession, no one does not belong to us, even children. That which is permanent is change….
The art of life is the ability without emotional involvement in life. Not attaching to anything and anyone. The discovery in itself inner child and ensure his welfare. Then comes peace, understanding and love. Love for each other and everything around. To the whole world. What you wish with all my heart.
Sending love and light to ALL in this situation.
Bravely put. Thank you for sharing. Being the child in a similar situation brought back memories and wants for myself. To see you reaching out and doing everything you can to not abandon your children is wonderful. Not all dad’s do what is needed for their children and when your children realize the truth about their mother they will question everything. Their world will change and they will need the acceptance that you and Teal will be able to give them. Stay true to you as no one else can.
Hi Ale, I’m deeply moved by your sharing. I can relate to your childhood experience and know of the pain you express. In my adult life I too went through a divorce that was quite challenging in the first few years, then it shifted and has been quite wonderful since. Both sides of the family love and support one another. I feel blessed. I share this with you because things can change. Prayer, patience and persistence of love can and do change things and it seems that you have a wonderful group of folks sending you a plethora of love and support. Missing you and sending you a big long hug!
Hi Ale, what a baring of your soul. Having gone through the same thing, I can relate, only I was Teal. Have you heard of the diagnosis Fole a Deaux? (May have it spelled wrong). Neurosis of two. My counselor got to be well versed in this, and worked with the children’s father until it finally got resolved…where the father really got heard and supported by th courts (even then his ex kidnapped the kids and hid them-out of school and everything-for a month!). Anyway, I can give you my therapist’s contact if you wish. She ended up writing an article about it…also, you might like the books by Dr. William Farrell (e?) who really speaks to the next steps for our society are along the lines of true liberation for men…I send you love and will hold your image daily. Thank you for being a conscious man, for supporting Teal in the authenticity that tears the velvet curtain asunder…Wilhelm Reich in his book, Murder of Christ speaks to the idea that the low frequency energy in a system always wants to annihilate the person that leads with true authenticity. Let’s not even pay attention to the haters and just love Teal. Thank you, Kristyn
I completely see all of you gathering eggs together! Your kids are thinking ‘wow, I wish we had done this sooner!’ And ‘we missed you, dad. You never left, and we see that now. You are even more relatable and happier then before!! We love you, Dad!’ And you and Teal feel accomplishment, relief and peace. Winter is happily playing with your kids as they race for a purple egg at the same time. They think of themselves as siblings. Teal smiles at your kids and they affirm a heart-warming smile back to her knowing that they appreciate her teaching because it brought everyone back together… in an even bigger way! Your ex is examining her shadows, and is slowly improving with INclusion.. but she is keeping a healthy distance until she feels better about herself. (But at least she now knows that it is about her problems and keeps the kids out of it) Your kids confirm to her that they absolutely loved their time spent as a family, and they hope she will include herself more… and she will, once she appreciates all that Teal has taught her about herself. And wow, she is learning fast.
Dear Ale,
I am a follower of Teal, through whom I find inspiration and guidance as well as a catalyst for expansion, and I read your post. I can’t imagine the pressure and distress you must be going though. Although in my situation I have no children involved, so it is certainly far easier, what I found in my specific experience breaking from a narcissistic person and healing my codependency, is that letting go and focusing on self-love is indeed the solution. Fighting with narcissistic people is a lost battle: as the saying goes: “don’t mess with the pig, the pig likes it and you get dirty”. That’s what they want, because for them this is still a kind of attention and supply. When they have nothing else, they will fight for the sake of fighting, as that still gives them a thrill.
To give you another example, with my abusive ex, who used to exert physical violence on me, I learned that the best defense mechanism during those situations was to oppose no resistance. If I fought back, he would become more violent, feeding off of my attempt to fight back, and injured me. On the other hand if I let go of any resistance, he would no longer enjoy attacking me, as there was no opposition to feed on. I’m not sure if I’m giving you the idea. Anyways, it seems to me that as you resisted your painful childhood divorce situation, you re-attracted it in your current life. I truly wish you and Teal to find soon resolution and enjoy your happiness.
Valentina
Ale,
Wait for some time, relieve resistance to situation with you exwife,let her settle down, do not put any energy to this conflict any more, show no interest. give her a space. she will not be angry for ever, maybe she will fall in love with some man and will understand you better. just leave everything how it is. write nice messages to your children, send gifts, they will grow up and will miss you and they will reconnect with you in the different manner, they love you. as for introduction with Teal- wait for some time. Children have to get used to such idea. Besides, you relation with Teal is not long enough, you have to grow up as a couple too. Keeping everything separately for period of time is a good idea. Do not push Teal to your children, because nobody loves stepmothers.:) They do not have to like her even you want that very much. Your likes are not their likes. But you can love them and her separatelly. The dream to have an egg hunting all together without any contrast, Jealousy, in your situation is not possible. not in this society, yet. I do not know many couples who celebrate festivals all together with their ex spouses. when you divorce you divorce. You could not live as a couple in the loving relationship- so it is a bit naive to think to get on in harmony when the love ended between you.
good luck with everything, take care of yourself in all this mess.
Very wise words from one who understands. Valerie Waterloo Canada
Your heart’s wish is a miracle that is being worked out by the Universe, Ale <3
I am a fan of Teal and you together, I think your love, intimacy and openness makes the world a better place. I am lucky to see and feel this love, even at a distance, and my heart is inspired by it.
I love how open you are. This post was incredible to read. You are a wonderful man and you deserve to have your families together in harmony. I am so glad you feel our support. I am one of them.
Love you both, from the bottom of my heart.
I see your heart wish.. And when i see it i feel how my heart starts to sparkle with joy and excitment!! I belive this will happen!.. Not only do i have to belive it.. I need to belive this is possible in our age.. I need this to happen in my life to!.. These little things keeps my hopes up for humanity.. And if its possible for Us to find a place like that where it is possible in our heart.. Then this is possible to see in our world together <3
I love the way you put your situation together with words.. I need to find the words of my own to understand my situation,,, That has similar traits.. But i feel as a little baby chicken in my understanding of my sitation and you and teal feeels like the Very evolved birds with long colourful feathers that is shining in the sun for every ones amazment <3 ^:^
I am very happy that you are part of Teal´s life, she deserves someone like you after all she has gone through! I came to this life by a mother who married four times and divorced four times, a father 11 years younger than my mother and who married three times and divorced also three times and if now at 74 years old I am what I hope I am, than through managing more or less those tasks I had decided on before I came to this planet, we all do. Based on what I read above, you are doing very well with the tasks you gave yourself before coming into this life! Teal´s teachings and what you write above is so important and many, many people with learn from it and it will make their tasks easier to solve!
You courageously reached out. Brave, beautiful YOU.
Merci beaucoup, Ale for your heartfelt and candid post. I honor your bravery to open the intimate details of your life to the world in such a public way. My prayers and with you and Teal as you navigate your way through these emotionally tumultuous waters. 1 Day at a time, in the present moment, may the Universe light your path to show you the way to peace.
Holy crap Ale!!!
Woooow, you are so wonderful! my jaw just dropped while reading that…I felt like if Teal was next to me after I read that, Id look over at her with my surprised look and she’d say “yes! Exactlllly! ….I know right!, who knew!” … I have yet to watch a single video, a single painting, hear a single meditation, read a single page, or a single blog where it took me any effort to connect with teal. I felt as if no one knew me as did Teal. I also see now I feel as
If no one knows Teal as I do.
Hearing you express yourself about your relationship and how you did it, the way you speak of Teal, and most shockingly beautiful and unsuspected from me, the way you told you story. The whole time I read I could see what Teal feels in your eyes when you lookat her and smile, that feeling is noooo jokeee!! You are a wise man for staying against all odds! You both deserve this, your paths are so much brighter together, there’s not a lot to fear and so much to see!!! I’m so proud of everyone hahah and so excited for you both! Imagine a love surrounding moment during that Easter egg hunt with his new stepbrother and sister and all his families, Winter is able to feel love from every corner because everyone will be connected to him and one another again…. this is a wedding I would hate to miss!!!
Love
Luba love Lyubov
Thank you, Ale. Sober and well written, your transparency is deeply appreciated, much love and support.
Come on People!
Dear Ale, thank you for your blog. I am praying and picturing all of you together having fun. Thank you for being able to participate in this miracle of LOVE. All the best to all of you. <3 Camilla
Dear Ale,
You have taken a bold step in publishing your blog and I am inspired by your bravery.
I have been introduced to Teal’s blogs through my partner Evelin who reads all of her blogs and is a real fan of Teal’s work. I have also been aware of your circumstances through posts included on Teal’s blog and read your recent blog about the circumstances surrounding your children.
I have a huge amount of sympathy with your predicament as it has many of the same hallmarks as my own circumstances following the breakup of my second marriage.
Parental Alienation is a real problem for many parents (especially men)!!
Unfortunately it is very difficult to present a case in court in the USA as it is necessary to classify the actions of the parent who causes the alienation as an illness. This is difficult to prove in an adult who in all other aspects is of sound mind. Your ex-wife is clearly suffering from Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) however (as I am sure you are aware) this is difficult and expensive to prove in court.
I live in the UK and here the circumstances are even more difficult since the courts will not even recognise PAS as a difficulty in divorce circumstances. There is also a strong bias in the UK based around the principle that the children should remain with the mother unless there are agreed alternative circumstances.
Most other divorced parents that I know have been able to reach agreement on the time the children of the relationship should spend with the each parent and in most cases there is also a certain amount of flexibility around these arrangements. However, where there is a mother who is determined to alienate the children against the father and who seeks the assistance of the court, there is nothing the man can do to maintain contact with his own children.
This was my circumstances where at the ages of 12 (Charlotte) and 10 “My Youngest Daughter” (as she is still a minor I am not sure if I should name her in communications) were assessed by CAFCAS (an arbitration service who advise the courts) and were asked to express their own wishes in relation to their contact with me.
Despite CAFCAS asking to see the children individually on their own, my ex wife insisted she should be present during the children’s interviews. Somewhat ridiculously, this was allowed. So my children were exposed to a circumstance whereby prior to their interview they could be preconditioned by my ex to express her wishes and just to make sure they did as expected, she was present in the personal interviews.
The children were therefore not allowed to express their own true wishes and you will not be surprised to learn that the children made statements to CAFCAS effectively confirming they did not want to have any contact with me (their father).
That was in 2008 and I have not seen or spoken directly to my children since then (yes 8 years ago). As a result of the courts decision, Charlotte and “My Youngest Daughter” have not only been denied contact with me but also with the rest of their family on my side. They were even denied contact with their Grandfather before he died (that was 5 years ago).
I mention the circumstances above as it may help you to realise that whilst your plight is particularly difficult you are not alone. I fear you may have a long wait before your children are back in your life! In the UK there is an organisation called fathers for justice however as they are each individually trying to gain access to their own children, the arguments tend to be about individual cases rather than about the law in general. Also they are arguing for the rights of the Father not the child (more about that later).
By law those rights only exist until the child becomes an adult by which time the alienation may well have had a permanent irreversible effect on that individual. As individuals it is impossible to change laws since the overriding law which serves reasonably minded parents adequately well is not seen to be failing in the eyes of the court.
This leaves people like you and I, who do not have a reasonably minded other parent, in a group who are very much the minority. I am sure that from the responses you will have had to your blog, you will have found that although in percentage terms this minority is small there are still a large number of individual cases where one unreasonable parent can in effect deny their own child (children) reasonably minimum contact (RMC) with the other parent. In this respect the courts are failing to protect the children’s rights as well as those of the other parent.
To make changes in the law requires a huge amount of influence and sometimes a long time to bring about the change. Individual cases have no hope of making these changes as they will only ever be looked upon individually. In addition due to the length of time involved the children will more than likely be adults before the law could be changed and by that time too much damage has been caused.
Charlotte is 18 now and despite both Evelin and I attempting to contact her, as an adult, through social media, she has not responded and has instead blocked us both from her SM circles (I don’t even know what university she is currently studying at or what subject she is studying). In this respect whilst she is now an adult she still conforms to the wishes of her mother. I believe that Charlotte has been caused long term irreversible damage through the alienation process which has been inflicted upon her.
I do hope that “My Youngest Daughter” will at least have enough spirit left to rebel against the imposed views and find out for herself how much her father loves both her and her older sister.
As an individual I have been powerless to bring about change however, you have the benefit of visibility around the world through Teal’s widespread following. Many Tealers will be or will know people in our circumstances and therefore there could be an opportunity to use the influence of a large number of people to bring about a change in the law.
Also considering these circumstances from the position of the child, the courts are in essence denying individual children a right to reasonable minimum contact (RMC) with their other parent. The law should therefore be changed to define the RMC which a child should be provided with each of the parents. RMC should be the right of every child.
There may be notable exceptions where a child could be truly at risk however this would place the burden of proof on the unreasonable parent and thereby this is less likely to be successful without a true and realistic concern about the parent being denied contact.
I will clearly not benefit from any change in the law however as “My Youngest Daughter” will be 18 next year. I would however offer my support to the cause of other children who like yours have the opportunity to benefit from the provision of RMC.
Given that Charlotte can no longer benefit from any change in the law she has already become a victim even now as an adult. No child should, like her, be denied RMC unless there are reasonable circumstances agreed to by both parents.
Thinking of it from your own point of view, your mother should not have been allowed to deny you RMC with her unless there were reasonable special circumstances which your father had been required to agree to. Likewise your RMC with your father should not have been something which your step mother was able to control as it should have been your right as a child to receive RMC with both parents. My older children from my first marriage saw me much less frequently than was reasonable largely due to their step mother not wanting to have anything to do with them!
It would be interesting to find out, with the help of the Tealers, an indication on how frequent these circumstances really are and then perhaps with the benefit of numbers seek to draw up a petition in support of a change in the laws worldwide so that future generations of children may benefit from at least RMC.
I would certainly lend my support to that cause even though for me it will inevitably be too late.
I truly hope you will be able to exercise RMC with your own children in the near future. perhaps if your ex truly looks at what her true objectives are then she will see that it is her own children who she is damaging. Their life’s will be enriched so much if they have RMC with both their mum and their Dad.
Good Luck and Best wishes to you and Teal.
Your children is You…doing the best for them (respecting their time and their will), You will do the best for You…you will heal your suffering from the trauma from your parent´s divorce. You will stop the neverending suffering generational cycle. Remember that the mother (your ex wife) is a part of them, the female part of them, be compassionate to this “hard” part because every time you judge and hate this part, you will hurt them automatically. Just try to listen to their will, even if is influenced by the mother, in the planet is nearly impossible to find a child that is not influenced by parents. Don´t impose your partner…one day…maybe when your ex will have a new partner…maybe… she will influence less your kids. But remember that you shall not impose nothing if they don´t want…don´t push… they want You, they need to feel the masculine part did not left them, did not abandon them…did not hate them … Remember the love you felt for your ex in the beginning and look in your children´s eyes with this love and compassion when you talk about her… why compare publicly her with an “horrible person” (your stepmother)? If one day you kids may read this letter they may feel hurt … like everything in the past was a lie…like falling in love for projection is something “wrong” is not like this (we always do…) …you felt in love, for whatever reason, doesn´t matter… You just loved her and together You both gave birth to the kids. Every time you will deal with them, You will indirectly deal with your ex, maybe one day they will start their own process for cleaning their self from outside influences , but this you cannot expect in short time, they will become mature being one day, I am sure, and I wish You, Teal, Your ex, Your kids the best. Why put the children will first? Because they are us! They give us the chance to heal the future, and the past… healing our past child in trouble.
p.s. Your children have to understand how to love you unconditionally (together with Teal)? How about you start to love them unconditionally (together with your ex influence)? …sorry but I think you are asking them too much… (like your father did with you…? ). Anyway I also think that the system is giving priority to the female part in the family and law war are always stressful and painful …you are doing good Ale… writing to them and try your best for showing them your willingness to be present in their life…one day, soon, they will remember and understand… All the best.
…very interesting…I´ve just finish to read at Teal Blog, about kids 🙂 and now I feel I want to explain better what I meant.
I am not a parent and when I say : Your kids is You…I also mean that Your ex is You, and You is Me
.I just focus on them because I felt the direct possibility, through this hard situation to heal, just listening to them, considering them as an important part with their own wish (influenced or not) giving them the possibility to be consider , something that maybe no one did for you, when you were kid. Why don´t try to go beyond what you have received from your parents? giving your kids what there were not able to give you (consideration)? Can you see that your parents put their own will ,or the companion will, before kids will without considering your point of view (Like mostly of the parents on earth… ), why do the same? When I say, put your children first I don´t mean put you identification on them first. I mean really listen first to them. (This doesn´t mean you have to satisfy every possible wish of them!)
Actually mostly of the parents that think they are putting their children first are instead putting themselves first (their dreams, expetations, ambition, willingness etcc.)
As a parent , wanted or not , you give the kid a program (this is one of the countless reason why I don´t want kids now) you give them, wanted or not, what, from your perspective you think is the best for them. So…when I say You are me…this doesn´t mean that you know what is really the best for me…if i see myself in the flower doesn´t mean that I have to give it chocolate (something that I personally like). If you´re just triyng to do your best… when you do everything from this point of love…just trying to do your best, trying to help yourself, the “others” “your kids”, trying to listen the need of your others You near you … trying to understand the differences and respect the unicity of every each part of You, without separation, like you have a big body, you are in the “safe zone” of pure heart and clear mind. From this point I wrote those messages to You. I just wanted to help giving another perspective, the kid one´s, maybe. I just wanted to help other me. So , I repeat, I am not talking about identification, or maybe yes, if you identify yourself with everything and everyone. Wanted or not you will project to them what you think is the “best”, when you want to be a parent You are giving them a program to deal with the reality , even if you try not to influence. You are “responsible” for the time of their lives until they are able for care for themselves ( I really hope one day …very soon …this “responsibility” will be share by the entire community, society, not only with who gave birth). I put “responsibility” in quotation marks because I see more like an interdependence, with the kid´s soul and the parent´s soul. An example, You love Teal… this doesn´ t mean that also your kids will have to love her , you love tennis, this doesn´t mean you have to share with them if they don´ t want to. This imposition I see more as identification….because you think that what is good for you, your passion, intersted and loves etc… they will be also good for them or be able to understand or appreciate. I think It´s true what Teal says about kids… every parents, more or less, is putting on the them part of themselves, mostly unconsciously… but from my perspective the difference with Teal and those parents is that She is putting a part of her self on her kid more consciously, She is more aware about the program-education she is giving to her son. But again, until her son can decide from himself and can take care of him self she is choosing for him what she think is the best … She is choosing (more consciously) how to feed him, mentally, physically, emotionally etc…She is also trying to do better than the program her parents gave to her…this is what I call evolution. The good thing is that with those kind of parents (the conscious one) usually, then, is more easy for the kids…when they grew up, to clean themselves from old programs, creating new more evolved fresher ones , usually those kind of parents they really wants to let them fly…to become whatever they want to become. So first the kids are dipendent, then they start the indipendence face cleaning (with or without rebellion) from external programming, then they realize (not everyone ) the co-dependence of everything. You may say…ok if I try to really listen and consider all the voices to the people around me.. they are so many and so far away to each other…I tell you, You are already doing, in every moment… you don´t go out naked screaming and devastating plants and animals…don´t you? You are always trying to live in this point between your needs and the needs of the “others” being , now may seem more challenging maybe because this issue is reveling old suffering , Maybe because you are a very sensitive and empathy person and you can feel the pain of everybody in this situation, I don´ t know you personally, I don´t know. I am sorry for my english, I hope You , or Teal, or YouTealOneBeing <3 could better understand my perspective. With this I am not saying you don´t have to protect yourself from someone "else" that is hurting You. Just treat the attack with the same straight carefulness you put when you cure yourself from a virus attack , without drama without taking too much personally, without revenge to the virus, without starting a war (cutting your leg or a feet because of the virus) but just with patient and time…I really wish You the best!
As an empath, I feel your pain and I feel Teal’s intense pain and sorrow.
My story parallels yours even though my sons were 16, 16 and 21 when I left their dad 6 years ago. My former husband has nothing nice to say to me or about me…ever. My children have no real desire to see or spend time with me. I know there is nothing I can say or do to change my former’s mind about me. We are on very different vibrational levels and attempting to reason with him is impossible as his anger, resentment and bitterness will not allow harmony to exist.
I decided a year ago to “love my guys from afar.” I send them cards, texts and emails of my love and adoration. Every morning while I sit in meditation, I feel intense gratitude that “this too shall pass.” I don’t know when or how but the Universe knows and this “knowing” brings me a sense of peace and joy.
By practicing non resistance with my former husband has lost control over me. I no longer make requests based on love and compassion as he cannot relate to these emotions. By “loving my boys from afar” my life is more peaceful, loving and gracious.
My prayer is one day you will find peace, love and grace and your life with Teal will evolve to realms beyond your most unimaginable dreams, wishes and desires
.
With blessings and love to you, Teal and your families.
Jeanne
Dear Ale,
There is a perspective that is not directly addressed that may be considered. Perhaps your ex is responding to realization that she did not know the complete person you truly are. If I comprehended correctly, your spirituality was repressed and because of this u were unable to fully express all your traits. So while ur ex gave of herself to the relationship, she may feel that in the end who did she make on the sacrifices for. She may be questioning authenticity on your part. Naively you mah have presented her with an inauthentic self and she most likely is dumbfounded and having feelings of betrayal because she gave herself to a man that did not potray the most accurate self. She may look at photos of you and Teal which shows 2 authentic, spirit beings with love of a higher frequency and she cannot comprehend nor decipher who u were in the first place, which allos her to devalue herself. Give her time and love and perhaps apogize to her for not being fully authentic to her. Perhaps this will allow her to get the affirmation that she is of value and respect and not the cause of ur inabilty at thay point in ur life.