Guilt: the Master Manipulator

Guilt

We underestimate how guilt is controlling so many aspects of our lives. Before diving deeper into guilt, it is important to understand how it differs from shame. Shame reflects how we feel about ourselves while guilt involves an awareness how our actions may impact someone else. In other words, shame relates to self; guilt to others.

I was once in an intimate relationship where I felt it was time to move on but could not get myself to communicate it to my partner. She was the same person that I used to adore earlier in the relationship and was actually making steps in the right directions. There were things that bothered me in the relationship but I kept going when she was at her worst, but now that she was making drastic positive changes in her life, showed affection and a commitment to turn her life around, I felt that it was time to part ways. Matters of the heart are not rational and we either feel the love or we don’t. Attraction is more based on suppressed feelings, unresolved traumas from childhood with our primary caregivers than compatibility, comfort or the perks that come from the relationship. Love chemistry is more based on repressed and subconscious feelings rather than what is conscious. In this particular instance, I did not feel it was the right time to communicate my intention to break-up. She was going through an intense personal journey to heal destructive patterns that had significantly limited her life for many years, and I did not want to disrupt her process by breaking up with her. Paradoxically, our relationship had acted as a catalyst for her to commit to this new path. So when I visited her, I pretended that everything was normal while still making plans together for the future. When I came back from the visit, I felt terrible. I felt depressed, disconnected, low-energy, deeply triggered and confused. It took me actually two days to figure out what was really going on. I was overwhelmed with guilt. I felt bad about wanting to pull away from the relationship while she was both fragile and finally working on the aspects that I told her were so important to me. I felt I would hurt her badly by triggering her abandonment traumas, and possibly discourage her to continue on her path of recovery. I was experiencing an intense conflict about how I felt romantically about her and what was the right thing to do according my personal code of ethics and value system.

confused and depressed

As we have a tendency to attract partners that reflect the unhealthy dynamics we had with our parents as a child, I went on exploring how this trigger was related to the relationship between my mother and my inner child. I saw my desperate and futile attempts as a child to save my mother, to alleviate her pain and to make her happy. This is how roles get reversed and the child becomes parentified. The child has no choice. The child is too young for individuation. He cannot differentiate his feelings from his parents’ feelings. Unfortunately, this parentification is also amplified by the immature parent that derives their sense of self from the control they exercise on the child. Guilt is the most common way to subject the child: «You are being so ungrateful after everything I have done for you», «How do you dare acting this way to hurt your poor mother after all the sacrifices I have made for you», «You are so selfish, only thinking about yourself» or «This is how good boys behave». We can dive even deeper and darker into the subconscious contract between the dysfunctional mother (or father) and their child «I gave you life so you owe me everything», «I gave you life so that I would stop feeling lonely and miserable», «Be a good boy so that I appear like an excellent mum but not to the extent where you may start to make me feel insecure about myself», «You are flawed. I am the only one who is able to love you. Just do what I say and you will be all right and I may not abandon you. And don’t get too close to other people as they will hurt you».

parentified child

The child cannot afford the loss of connection with his parents because he depends on them for survival. So he complies and abandons himself to guaranty the security of the connection with his parents. Wires have been crossed, and later in life, his path of awareness, healing and maturation will include attracting partners reflecting the same dysfunctional patterns that he was made to believe were loving. The insecure little girl with an absent father will attract partners that are emotionally unavailable. The little boy with an emotional unstable mother will attract borderline girlfriends and so on so forth. Most people believe they are learning unconditional love by having children not realizing how conditional their relationship actually is. They don’t give without expecting anything in return. We are not saints so it is natural to have expectations and even a sense of reciprocity with our children, however what is not OK is to manipulate, pretend we are sacrificers while we just look for our personal interest and gaslight our kids.

Typically, our intimate relationships follow the same patterns of survival, enmeshment and conditionality that we experienced as a child with our own parents. Break-ups are so painful because we project in them the loss of a parent that we simply cannot afford to lose when, as a child, we depend upon them for survival. These relationships are codependent with a high level of entanglement. While there is love, affection and caring, there is also frustration, control, projection, fear and identification. Passion and romance quickly subside to the routine of the new arrangement and life necessities. For the minority of people (probably not more than 2%) that achieved personal autonomy, I would like to suggest a new model for romantic relationships. These individuals are able to rise from mainstream morality to conscience, they are happy alone and in a relationship, they know who they are, they don’t impose their views on others, and they are able to sustain themselves financially through their own efforts. Everything they do is an act of personal preference and freedom. These persons only get involved and stay in intimate relationships that 1. feel good 2. promote their personal growth 3. are reciprocal; or a combination of these 3 factors. The success of these romances is not defined by the duration of these relationship but rather by the shared good times, and the growth that came out of it. They may not be aware intellectually of why they choose to merge or break-up with an individual but they always do it with it with respect, empathy and truthfulness. They choose to live from the heart and as Blaise Pascal used to say «The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of…». They understand that the beauty of their union comes partly from the total freedom and complete unpredictability of the relationship. They have enough self-love that they are not tempted to control their beloved. They let them fly freely because they desire the same freedom for themselves. In such relationships, guilt simply does not exist.

you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free

I used to underestimate how much guilt was controlling my life. I left my parents’ home at a young age and made decisions in relationships, career, places to live and circles of friends and acquaintance independently of other people’s decisions. I felt I was immune to being controlled through guilt until my personal life journey brought me to experience the abomination of parental alienation, when your ow children, the flesh of your flesh, are used as weapons of war against you. The amount of guilt I experienced as a result was excruciating. My full body had become toxic from guilt, and I believe I would have gotten very sick as a result if mother Ayahuasca did not cross my path and help me heal. As a child, I suffered deeply from the separation of my parents and the way they handled it, so I made it a point that my children will never experience the same misfortune. Unfortunately, at the end, it may have been worse for them. I felt so utterly powerless to avoid what I was fearing the most. It took many hours of purging and sobbing with loving guidance of mother Ayahuasca to start feeling better again. When, years later, I was finally graced to reconnect with my son after years of absolutely useless court custody battle, a huge weight was lifted off my heart. It was such a liberation.

mean judge

On a related topic, this is why judges in family court can be so easily manipulated by guilt. They have a difficult job as their decisions impact in critical and often tragic ways other human lives. They make their judgment with few and often erroneous or even manipulated information. Their intuition is often poor because they had to shut off emotionally to deal with the stress of their profession. As a result, they feel terrible about themselves despite the mask of authority they are trying to project. For 4 years, I kept losing court battle after court battle. While a good dad, I was treated like a criminal and my request to visit my own children was dismissed with prejudice. On top of it, I got a judgment against me for a large sum of money to pay to my ex wife’s parents to take care of my children while being prevented to see them! How did my ex wife achieve this? She was able to trigger the guilt of the judge by playing the victim while dropping that tear at the perfect moment in order to make me look like a monster. Family courts are typically pro women because women are generally more apt at manipulating and feigning victim control drama (men perform the same form of psychological manipulation though less frequently and effectively). Historically, men took power away from women and women had fewer opportunities, often related to marriage and child bearing. Women were left with only indirect ways to exercise control so had to develop more covert manipulative techniques to achieve their goals. So, to an extent, men are collectively paying karma for their own collective abuse of power.

While I mostly talk about the toxic form of guilt, guilt can also be healthy when we become aware of the harm we have caused others so that we may remedy it. In this sense, it is a form of empathy. While I made a distinction between guilt and shame, the unhealthy form of guilt is using personal shame as its foundation. We can be easily controlled through guilt because we believe there is something bad, dangerous or inadequate about us. This is often deep subconscious programming that originated from childhood trauma. Shame acts often as the necessary hook for toxic guilt to take control of us.

shame on you

I exposed the Covid-19 plandemic early April 2020 as a political and not a sanitary crisis. The criminals that have orchestrated this scamdemic are successfully depriving ordinary citizens of their freedom through the power of toxic guilt. While there is no scientific evidence for the use of masks to prevent the spread of coronavirus as they are often compared to putting up a chain-link fence to stop mosquitoes. The coronavirus is 0.1 micrometer in diameter while the holes in woven cloth are visible to the naked eye and may be five to 200 micrometers in diameter. Still the whole world is now wearing masks. Why? Because of toxic guilty used at a massive scale by politicians and mainstream media. If you refuse to wear a mask, you are simply a selfish a**hole that only thinks about himself, you don’t care about the vulnerable and the elderly, and you are a murdered that does not deserve to live. If you dare to even question the usefulness of masks, you are just a bad person. At this time, people don’t even know why they are wearing a mask. They are just doing it because everyone else is doing it and they want to appear as a good person that cares about others while they are just actually facilitating the spread of fascist regimes all over the world. The mask farce was just a rehearsal for the upcoming vaccine that is meant to microchip (or rather nanochip) the whole population for total mind control while 5G networks allow for massive data transfer between citizens and big brother governments. In order to illustrate how people are attempting to control us through toxic guilt, I have gathered some responses from some of my Facebook postings challenging the mainstream narratives.

collection of guilt trips

It always follows the same pattern «If you don’t do what I believe is right, you are a bad person that doesn’t care about others, you are selfish and inconsiderate». These guilt trips are just attempts for control. On my side, I respect the freewill of people that decide to wear a mask, stay in house arrest or get vaccinated for Covid-19 (i.e nanochipped). I have no interest in making them change their mind as I respect their ability to think and make decisions for themselves unlike the government that is treating us as irresponsible children and leaving us no choice. If their masks or vaccines were that effective, why are they are trying to impose them on us? Let me decide what is best for my health. I am choosing a good diet, plenty of exercises, a stress free life, contact with nature, sufficient rest and good relationships. They are choosing masks, vaccines, pharma drugs, lockdowns and plenty of mainstream news. Let’s actually see who will be healthier down the road. They act no differently than religious fanatics ready to impose their views and way of living by force. Similar than WWII, the collective suffering will have to get much worse before a majority of people will start waking up to the reality of what is really going on.

big brother zuckerberg

The mainstream media in the western world has never been so controlled since WWII in order to promote the dark agenda of the 1%, and guilt once again is their most effective weapon of control. Let me give you some examples with recent headlines and you will find that all media are now saturated with guilt inducing news to get people to comply. You may google each headline to access the original article. This is not journalism but fascist propaganda based on guilt.

Translation: it is wrong to satisfy your basic human need to celebrate and mingle with your loved ones. Just stay home, watch CNN, be afraid and comply without questioning

Translation: wearing a mask, a symbol of the loss of our freedom of speech and joy (we stop seeing each other smiles), makes you a good citizen that care about the life of others and your country. After all, we have called patriotic the systematic killing of our brothers and sisters since the beginning of times

Translation: forcing foreign (and probably toxic) agents into our body makes us good citizens. After all, our body is just government property

Translation: we are completely powerless as Covid strikes also on the young, healthy and successful. Forget about a healthy lifestyle to strengthen our immune system. Just follow government regulations

Translation: those who are preventing my access to power will be responsible for the death of many people

Translation: challenging government policies is synonymous of child abuse

Translation: partying is now a criminal activity

Translation: stay away from anyone challenging government narratives because they will destroy your life

mum with grown-up child

One of my French relatives wanted to visit me in Central America. I warned him to hurry-up because the second European lockdown was imminent as it was obvious they will disguise our regular flu season into the second wave of Covid-19. He did not take me seriously until the government announced it. Still, he had 48 hours to escape France and I wrote to him specific instructions to make it happen. However he received a guilt trip from his mother that it was not responsible, safe and kind to leave on such short notice. As a result, while a grown-up man, he is now in house arrest with his mother for an undetermined amount of time. His personal vibration made him a match to this experience. What we are living at a collective level is simply mirroring our subconscious powerless and immature inner child. Our governments are behaving towards us like an overbearing, narcissistic, punishing and controlling mother. As long as we keep playing the role of scared, ignorant, insecure children ready to do anything to deserve mummy’s (i.e the state) love, we will continue to enable the instauration of fascist regimes all over the world. As I wrote previously, the narcissist cannot exist without its codependent counterpart so at the end, we get the leadership that we deserve.

awakening

Guilt can only thrive in the shadow of personal shame, ignorance and fear. Fortunately, they are based in illusion in the same way that light exposes darkness as immaterial. Combatting darkness will just make it stronger. The best attitude is to simply continue to live your life according your own values and stay our authentic self no matter what. Shadow can do its little dance however it will pass like everything else in our temporal world while our invincible human spirit remains. We are living through the great awakening but before we can shift to higher awareness, the human shadow has to come out and be expelled. The solution for powerlessness is autonomy, the remedy for fear is love, and the antidote for guilt is authentic self-love. This is what we are meant to learn collectively in the next 5 years.

Using the Covid19 crisis to move from powerlessness to autonomy

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While the whole world was in panic about the coronavirus, I wrote an article to show how the current Covid19 pandemic was used for global mind control, and that many of the measures implemented to fight the pandemic such as strict confinement and lock down were mostly counterproductive. We can be so easily manipulated when we act out of fear. It is just a matter of time that the truth will eventually come out. I am glad that many people are starting to see through the mass of disinformation and propaganda and that some of my views are becoming more mainstream.

As people wake-up, they are first in shock and feel powerless. However, many have asked me what they could do. This is a hopeful phase as we are now looking for solutions to wake-up from the nightmare of our reality. I would like to inspire people to take back their power into their own hands and stop relying on outside forces to take them away from our misery. There is so much we can actually do. It takes work, dedication and intelligence but it can be done. We are so much more powerful than we could ever imagine. It is just a matter of remembering who we truly are. This process of personal liberation is similar to emancipating ourselves from our own family structure. We actually elect governments that are the most similar to the collective experience of our primary caregivers. Generally speaking, the French have very caring, protective but controlling mothers so this is why we have a government with many social benefits but also that dictates every aspect of our lives. Confinement in France has been one of the strictest with the majority of the stores closed and requiring written authorization for leaving the house. In the USA, children are made to be independent and fend for themselves at an early age. It is a country of pioneers and self-made men & women. Despite the fact that the USA has the most fatality in the world, they will reopen business way before France. People in the USA want to be back to business and find again their independence, similar to their childhood experience. In order to leave our birth family to develop as a fully functional autonomous adult, we need to be able to see and accept the flaws of our parents, develop healthy boundaries with them and then dedicate tremendous energy towards creating a life that match our personal aspirations. We may continue to give back and engage or not with the birth family structure depending on how we feel about them. When we are a child, we are completely powerless to our parents. We need to rely on them for about everything. However, once we become adults, we have the power and the ability to change some of the negative programming that came from our upbringing. The same logic can be applied to society as a whole. It is not easy but definitely possible. We do not have to stay the victim of a dysfunctional society. We do not have to engage with its aspects that feel toxic, harmful and counterproductive. There is always a choice. Here is a roadmap for our emancipation.

Disillusionment, the first step towards autonomy

While there is so much to be appreciative in our society, there is also so much to be profoundly disappointed with. Over 70% of people understand the political system is rigged. This is just a puppet show to give people the illusion of democracy while real decisions are made behind closed doors by a few unknown to the public. While healthcare has considerably advanced and is doing miracles every day especially as regards life accidents, it is mostly ineffective or even harmful in the treatment of chronic, psychosomatic and mental health diseases. For a large part, the media should be really renamed propaganda as it is used for mind control rather than encouraging people to think for themselves by sharing actual facts. Our educational system makes our children learn many concepts and knowledge that will be mostly irrelevant to their future life, and some of the most important topics such as financial intelligence, parenting, the development of empathy, intimate relationships, personal development, the protection of the environment are simply not covered at all. From my own personal experience, the justice system should be renamed the injustice system as money and political connections are far more important than truth and justice in the court system. The mission of the police is to enforce the will of the state before protecting its citizens. The world’s richest 20 people have the same wealth as the bottom half 4 billion people on the planet. Two billion people live on less than $1 a day while we have spent over 2.4 trillion dollars on the useless Iraq war that was started on the false pretense of weapons of mass destruction. I am stopping here because I could go on forever. At the end, we have the institutions we deserve as a collective. As an ordinary human being, it is easy to feel powerless when confronted with society problems as a whole. We feel too small to make any impact so we comply and become enablers of the dysfunctions that revolted us in the first place.

What not to do!

There are other reasons other than a virus to force people into strict confinement. Before we can get people into abandoning their fundamental freedoms, accepting to be vaccinated, believing blindly the mainstream narratives, reporting on neighbors for not following the most ludicrous rules, we need to lower their vibration. The consumption of alcohol has skyrocketed since the lock down, people are watching TV significantly more, eating more unhealthy food, exercising less, and are limited to virtual social contact. They are losing their contact with nature which is so critical to bring them back to balance. The most toxic influence is however by far the news that people watch many hours every day. It amplifies people’s fears and paranoia so that people would accept any solution later proposed by the media such as a high-tech vaccine. Human psychology has proven that if the same lies are repeated over and over again, people will accept them as truth through the power of repetition. Actually, the bigger the lie, the better it works! Humanity is currently at a crossroad. We either get deeper into the matrix or we awaken. There will be nothing in the middle. While the first option of dependency takes no effort, significant effort and awareness are required to succeed our escape. We need to become like the salmon swimming upstream the rivers to develop autonomy. “You should wear a mask” is a metaphor to abandoning willingly the first amendment, basically our freedom of speech as our voice is now made inaudible by a mask. All leisure activities (beach, mountains, sports) have come brutally to a stop as there are the privilege of the free. Look no further, you are under house arrest.

There is hope however because we live in quantic universe!

“As above, so below” is an aphorism from advanced spiritual teachings. It tells us that we are all connected, that the drop in the ocean can affect the whole ocean. In chaos theory, the Butterfly Effect teaches us that a butterfly flapping its wings in New Mexico can cause a hurricane in China. It may take a very long time, but the connection is real. The reality is that we do not need to change the world, we just need to change ourselves and strive for happiness. And paradoxically, this is in essence the fastest way to change the world. Epictetus, the philosopher that founded stoicism, realized that there are things we control, and things we don’t control. In order to become happy, we should focus on the things we control, and accept the rest as it happens. We cannot change what already is, but we can choose what to do with the given circumstances. There were times in my life where the whole world was mostly doing good, but I faced personal hardships such as divorce, parental alienation or health issues. There were other times when the whole world was depressed such as now however everything in my life would feel great with a beautiful intimate relationship, a fulfilling career and business success. Which experience do you think I preferred? We have the power of creating our own reality independently of the collective reality of the world. I would like to inspire all of us to focus on the aspects in our life where we feel we have some level of control. This may be very little at first, but the more we educate ourselves, train our will and learn from our life experiences, the more positive impact we will have in our life and with the people around us. I have walked this path and it works! Everything I am about to share with you comes from my own life experience. One of my meditation teachers used to tell me “you cannot win the game but you can exit the game”. In the same way, we cannot fix the matrix but we can escape it. I am now going to give you simple (but not necessarily easy) steps to get there. The key is to develop autonomy within ourselves as all forms of control are built upon dependency.

Body-related autonomy

Health is the foundation of our existence. If we don’t have our health, we don’t have anything so it is critical we invest time and energy every day to take care of our physical body, which is the temple of our soul. The easiest way to take control back of our life is by training our body. What we do with our body is tangible and it is harder to make up stories. You either work out or you don’t. You eat healthy or you don’t. You take time to rest or you don’t. There is limited space for ambiguity or subjective interpretation for anything related to our physical body. 

Physical strength exercises

Physical exercises not only reinforce our immune system but they improve our emotional state, boost our self-esteem and personal motivation. We don’t need to go to the gym, pay any membership, get a personal trainer, take any food supplements, drive anywhere to practice an easy-to-follow and powerful exercise program. We can become incredibly strong by following exercises that only use the weight of our own body. This is the principle of calisthenics. I recommend to any beginner on the topic to read “Convict Conditioning” by Paul Wade who developed a program to achieve superhuman strength. If Paul was able to do it within the confines of most guarded penitentiaries in the USA then we can do it too from the confines of our home. This exercise program is completely free. You just pay with your own efforts. Chris Heria is a calisthenics YouTube star who offers many valuable exercises too. An intense 20 minutes a day, 5 days a week program is all you need.

Breathing exercises and cold training

The Wim Hof method is known to boost our immune system, increase our energy level and help us reach peak states of performance.

Diet

A plant based diet decreases inflammation in the body. Limiting food intake to one meal a day will save you time, money while increasing your energy level and helping you reach your ideal weight. Performing your physical exercises at the end of your daily fast will increase your internal production of growth hormones tenfold, making you feel younger with more vitality. Fasting can do you more good than any medication treatment as this is the natural way to detoxify the body. Drink water that you purify using an advanced filter and natural juices. Eat a large variety food that is alive, and lots of fruits and vegetables. You will also save money this way.

Breatharianism

Thousands of people are able to live on this planet without any intake of solid food. We call them breatharians. The best documentary on the topic is “In the beginning, there was light”. While it sounds impossible, I have changed my opinion on the subject after doing 22 days drinking only water under the supervision of a breatharian who had not eaten for 7 years. 

As extraordinary as it may seem, it appears that the human body has the capability to increase its frequency to perform at very high level with only air, water and a dedicated spiritual practice. This is one of the highest levels of autonomy to achieve. I will soon write a blog about it as this is a fascinating topic.

Change your mind, change your life

The self-improvement and personal development fields have millions of books to help you upgrade your thinking to improve your life. Here are some examples of the current mainstream powerless thoughts that keep people to lower levels of existence and what could be the empowered form of these thoughts

“There is a dangerous virus out there that strikes randomly and could kill me and my family. We are at war against an invisible enemy.” to “Viruses are our friends. They create conditions to boost my immune system to catalyze my healing. As long as I have a strong immune system, no virus can affect my health negatively”

“I rely on my doctor and my medication when I get sick” to “I am responsible for my own health. Unless there is an emergency, I avoid all medication as I understand that good healthy food is the best medicine. I commit to body awareness to become my own personal doctor”

“I feel empty and worthless without my job” to “I don’t need a job. I can create my own job by creating a business that best leverages my talents, ability and creativity”

“The state, my government and the experts know better what is good for me. I just need to follow their instructions and everything will be all right” to “No one cares more about my personal well-being than myself. I make my own decisions after carefully listening to many viewpoints because I understand I will be the one bearing the consequences for my actions not the people with their good opinions”

“I know there is something wrong but it is better I shut up as I could get hurt by the people in power, or at the very least criticized and judged by my family and friends.” to “I need to speak out and act when something is wrong otherwise I am an enabler and a passive participant to society’s dysfunctions”

Taking control of our mind includes taking full responsibility for our life and dismiss all narratives that support powerlessness. What we believe have enormous impact on our life. We have everything within ourselves and we are powerful creators. Similar to the body, the mind is a good servant but a poor master. Let’s use it to our advantage.

The quality of my life is first the quality of my relationships

I have a Russian friend who was born in Argentina. After the military coup in Argentina, the authorities started looking for him as he voiced his opposition to this brutal regime. He managed to stay alive as some of his friends risked their lives by hiding him until he was able to emigrate to the United States. Through that experience, he learned that relationships and the kindness of others were much more important than money. Actually, considering our current national debt and 12 years of quantitative easing, hyperinflation seems more and more likely. In this situation, similar to what happened to Germany in the 1930s, paper money would become worthless, and relationships & communities would become the only way to meet our basic needs. Helping others is critical for self-love. The most people we help, the more goodwill we get even if the acts of kindness may not come from the same people we have helped. It builds positive karma. The reverse is also true, as we are all connected in this quantic universe. We are the drops of the ocean which are the ocean too. What goes around comes around.

When I enter a relationship, I start by giving hoping to inspire the other person for some reciprocity. If it is not there, I do not insist and keep searching for more fulfilling and reciprocal relationships. We want to create relationships that are heart-centered rather than transactional. We do not create expectations that put the other person in a box. Once we have autonomy, we would rather be alone than being with toxic people. Actually, from this space, we can attract many amazing relationships as we are not dependent upon relationship for our core happiness. External loving relationships are simply the effortless reflection of our own self-love. 

Emotional alignment is critical to our physical well-being. From my experience, most diseases have an emotional component. This is why it is so critical to embrace and express consciously all of our emotions, especially the negative ones. Free flowing emotions are critical to a strong immune system. This is why children generally don’t have chronic diseases.

The politics of confinement and social distancing have been extremely damaging to people’s mental health. It has increased even further the isolation that was already so rampant in our disconnected society. I am convinced that social distancing is creating more damage than benefits. I predict a massive climb in depressions, suicides, PTSD and stress-related diseases. As we face together this difficult crisis, we need more social closeness, not social distancing! Of course, the more disconnected we are from one another, the easier it is to control us. So the policy of social distancing may have a political agenda. Touch is important to us. We need to shake hands, to hug and kiss to show our affection to each other. This is an important part of being human. And I will continue to show these external signs of warmth and tenderness to anyone who is comfortable with it. 

Autonomy with money

Lower your spending

When I lived in Silicon Valley, I used to make a lot of money but spent even more! I was fully in the rat race working 6 days a week, on average 11 hours a day, never having enough time for my family, friends and personal hobbies. Actually, there is a lot of places in the world where we can live on very little money. The key in developing financial autonomy is first to reduce our spending. A lot of fun and fulfilling activities do not require any money. We can cut the expenses on many things that are not good for us (expensive meat dishes, liquors, cigarettes, video games, gambling, porn, …). Some of the best things in life are mostly free: being in nature, quality time with friends or a lover (hopefully!), physical exercises, listening to music, meditation and introspection, or watching interesting videos. If you have the financial means, it is fine to spend money on the things that you love but make sure they are good for you too. If you are able to lower your spending, you will have less financial stress in your life and it will be easier to survive the most difficult financial crises. 

Financial dependency doesn’t feel good

Many leaders such as Pope Francis are now talking to implement a universal basic wage. While this is a lovely idea to help people through hard times, it has some important negative repercussions. Personal freedom comes from autonomy, but control comes with dependency. If you rely on the state for survival whether it is through a universal basic wage or disability, then you are not going to take the risk to challenge the mainstream narrative. The state owns you as it gives you money to survive. Additionally, it feels horrible for our self-esteem to rely on the state. It makes us feel incompetent, useless and a burden to society. Being an employee is better. However an employee will feel restricted in his freedom of speech. An employee will be too afraid to be judged by colleagues and management so employees will follow the mainstream narratives to ensure  job security. Instead, we need to learn to make our own money through entrepreneurship if we are truly committed to autonomy. Except for some rare professions, the working class has gotten poorer and poorer over the last 30 years. The median salary in France which is considered a rich and developed country is 1800 euros/month or less than $2,000/month. Considering the cost of living in France, it means the average French household needs to keep a very tight budget to make ends meet. Over the last 30 years, salaries for the most part have increased marginally in developed countries while the cost of living has increased drastically. Being an employee is becoming less and less attractive every year. 

Entrepreneurship

Becoming an entrepreneur is difficult. It requires creativity, hard-work, perseverance and excellent interpersonal skills. However, it is well worth it. It is a great feeling to own a business, we grow tremendously through this process and there is a great sense of accomplishment that comes with it. This is one of the best way to unleash our full potential and to do something really satisfying. As an entrepreneur, we focus on creating value on the market instead of pleasing a subjective boss. When we own a business, there is no more need to compartment our personal and professional lives. Both can now be integrated so that we can stay the same authentic person whether we are at home or at the office. There are so many ways of becoming an entrepreneur and I believe in taking a step-by-step low-risk approach. Using my personal experience of building 5 companies from the ground up, I have helped many entrepreneurs over the years to succeed and avoid the most common pitfalls. Once the shutdown is over, it is going to be very important to help all the small businesses that are now on the verge of bankruptcy because of the imposed confinement. Rather than buying through mega corporations, it is critical we buy from local businesses even if it is going to be a bit more expensive. The local restaurants, hotels, AirBnBs, the farmers’ markets, coffee shops, local banks and credit unions, retail shops, therapists or anyone offering personal service are going to need our help. We need to make the commitment to help small businesses. By doing so, we are helping the 99% to strive. This financial autonomy will help people reclaim their power and not give up on their freedom of speech. Let’s spend money on the people we know when possible or at the very least on our extended community. It is time to go small and buy from people we can have a personal relationship with. We need to make every effort that our money goes back to hard-working families instead of pension funds that own large corporations that in turn control politicians who control us.

Only invest in things you can control!

I stopped investing in the stock market many years ago. It is nothing else than a gigantic casino where our hard earned money can disappear overnight without any control. In 2000, I started playing with stocks. I used about $20,000 of savings to speculate during the dot.com euphoria. I got my portfolio to over $100,000 until it all crashed and I was left with only $1,000 or 1% of my peak value! In the USA, we need to set-up our own retirement fund called a 401(k) or an IRA. They automatically make you invest in the stock market. There are ways to avoid investing in the stock market. You can request to keep your 401(k) contributions to a money market account, and then roll it out into a self-directed IRA. You can then buy real estate, gold, land, company shares or make promissory notes with your self-directed account. All of this is tax free. When there is a will, there is a way. Real estate offers a much higher level of control than an investment in the stock market will ever give us. We can live in our real estate, choose the location, remodel it to our taste, rent it long-term or short-term with AirBnB, adjust prices to increase occupancy, hire or fire property managers and cleaning personnel. It also offers protection against inflation, many tax benefits and potentially some cash-flow for retirement. We may also invest in a small business where we have an operational role, or make a loan that has some guaranteed collateral. From my perspective, jewelry or art are a better investment than stocks because you can at least enjoy them even if you may not make a profit. Also, when you invest in the stock market, you are likely to benefit the 1% not the 99%.

Monetary strategy

The dollar is king as it is used for most trading exchanges in the world, and its value is based on the subjective belief in the US government’s promises, in the stability of the US government, monetary supply and its military power. This is why a dollar collapse is not out of the question. The euro is the second most common currency far behind the dollar. Nations have been printing an enormous quantity of money since 2008 and the current crisis is making things worse. Most nations carry vast unsustainable debt. This combination is making hyper-inflation more and more likely in the years to come.  Over the century, gold has been used as a collateral for currencies. Actually, the USA followed the Gold Standard until 1971. As a rule of thumb, gold is a good protection against inflation. Over the past several years, many cryptocurrencies have emerged. They offer advantage over traditional currencies such as privacy and limited inventory like gold. They are however highly speculative and the powers in place could easily shut them down if they feel threatened by them. The most famous cryptocurrency is bitcoin. Considering the current global instability, I would recommend a diversification strategy of holding US dollars, euros, gold and some cryptocurrencies for those who can afford it. A low locked interest rate for your real estate loans is also a good protection against hyperinflation in the long-run.

Start influencing politics rather than being controlled by politics

I don’t do politics, because it gives the false illusion of control. From my perspective, believing in politics is indicative to the utter powerlessness of the collective consciousness. Most countries have a two party system and at the end, it is typically the same politics whether you vote right or left. Politicians are however driven to get elected so will follow what the majority wants. Unfortunately, the majority is controlled by the media or Hollywood which controls the information. This means the elections are rigged unless people take back control of the flow of information and this is possible through social media. Trump got elected because he had a team that follows all the trends happening on social media and he kept appealing to them with a language that resonates with them. I called on civil disobedience to break strict confinement on April 7th before anyone at a time it was highly unpopular. Two weeks later, civil protests to break strict confinement have now become a trend that is even endorsed by POTUS. You can be an influencer without belonging to any political party. Many people have labelled me far right for this reason. I keep myself independent of any political party and I vote on a topic by topic basis rather than through a party line.  Politicians are supposed to be civil servants and this is why we elect them. Let’s reclaim our power and let’s express our opinions openly and clearly so that they may have more incentives to listen to us rather than the lobbies financing their political campaigns. Let’s keep our politicians accountable for their actions. From my perspective, it is a scandal that Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were never put on trial for their invasion of Iraq under false pretense. Let’s not hesitate to apply non violent civil disobedience when our governments take measures against our fundamental rights. It is high time we brought a new generation of politicians that will serve the 99% rather than the 1%.

Meditation

Meditation is the act of inner listening, reconnecting to our core and centering into our heart. Meditation allows us to connect to higher truth through intuition, and perceive manipulation when it occurs. It is completely free. This is why meditation is a key to personal autonomy. It helps us raise above fear and control. It connects us back to our eternal and invincible spirit. It shields us from the mainstream media as it allows us to live from within rather than becoming a robot programmed from outside influences. Through meditation, we acquire self-knowledge and we cease to be so easily controlled. Meditation allows us to know the truth at an intuitive level without imposing it onto others. Only insecure people try to impose their subjective truth on others. Many of the GANP (“Good and Normal People”) try to impose their views on others to validate their limited beliefs because they are so disconnected from their core. As a result, they cannot feel what is actually true and good for them. They need to rely on external influences to guide their lives.

Choose a country that is in alignment with your values

The world is a big place and it offers many cultures and different ways of being. For example, Nicaragua has refused any lock-down because of the coronavirus. So if we wished to continue living normally, we had the option to move to Nicaragua before strict confinement was put in place. Practically speaking, an expatriation takes a long time and all the preparations have to be done far in advance of any crisis. For those who can afford it, it is best to have citizenship or residency in several very different countries and know the language in each one to have options in case of a global crisis like the one we are facing today. This takes a lot of efforts but it can be well worth it especially in case of a global conflict. The Jews who anticipated the rise of the Nazi state and emigrated early to the United States got their lives saved. Unfortunately, a war is not out of the question. Over the past century, the elites have been using wars to boost the economy as a way to get even richer, often financing both sides of the conflict. A war brings a vast amount of destruction which creates the need for reconstruction, and the people or organizations that are able to finance it can make enormous profit. Wars create extreme situations that allow to push political agendas that would not be possible otherwise. When people are afraid for their survival and their safety, they are ready to accept many conditions that would be otherwise unacceptable. This is why our politicians keep using these terms: war on drugs, war on terror or war on the invisible enemy. However, people want peace not war as it destroys everything they cherish the most in their lives. Why do you think the first consequence of this crisis was border closure? This measure prevents us from moving to a country with more freedom if we are dissatisfied with our government.

Stop looking for a guru or savior. Become your own master

Many of us do not love ourselves enough to see the light from within so we have a tendency to put other people on a pedestal whether it is a singer, a politician or a spiritual teacher. This is natural and there are some positive aspects in doing this. Admiring someone will help us to learn from them, and bring focus on the inner qualities that we have projected outside. Actually, when we are really fond of someone, it is an indication that we need to manifest within ourselves the qualities that we see in them. However, if we content ourselves from the external projection, we dis-empower ourselves, and we just create even more dependency. My last wife is a YouTube star. I got to meet so many people obsessed with her. Some would tattoo their bodies with her name, many would despair from months even stop eating waiting from a message from her, others would max out their credit cards to attend one of her private workshops, and many people from her own community would cut themselves from any personal relationship or activity to have a chance to keep living with her. This is not healthy. We are all made of light and shadow so when we get obsessed with someone, we bring focus not only on their qualities but also on their flaws. This is why discrimination is so important. Some influencers may be exceptional in some areas of their lives but be a complete mess in other areas. 

The new civil disobedience is about keeping living your life freely!

Mahatma Gandhi led his country into freedom through nonviolent resistance. Through his actions, he changed the face of political protest and freed his country from colonialism. However, the world has changed and we need to bring a new form of non violent resistance that takes into consideration that the majority of people are very much influenced by mainstream media and are very fearful in challenging any form of authority. The yellow vest movement in France failed because it was infiltrated by looters and marginalized as a threat to public safety. The best form of civil disobedience is to keep living our lives fully according our values and the fire that are within our heart. Let’s ignore social distancing and keep hugging and kissing the friends with the people that are comfortable with it (we will never impose our beliefs on others). Touch is such a big part of being human. Let’s not wear masks but have empathy for people that believe they need to wear them. Let’s keep going to beautiful places of nature, and avoid getting caught. Let’s support any initiative that support people’s recovery of their fundamental freedom without being politicized. Let’s find ways to keep practicing our favorite sports. And if we are caught and get a fine, let’s use the law to contest these fines. Let’s continue to connect with each other in person. If restaurants are closed, let’s cook for one another. Let’s continue to make love and live life to the fullest. Let’s continue to strive to become the best version of ourselves independently of the powers in place that want to make us small. Let’s keep being creative, learning and growing. Let’s live fearlessly and humbly at the same time. Let’s keep expressing what we know to be our truth without imposing it on others.

The ultimate goal is true and genuine self-love, which is synonymous with awakening. Let’s learn to love consciously and see the love that we project outside as the beautiful reflection of the love that lies within your heart. Bill Gates is not going to save you with his vaccines. Donald Trump is not going to save you from the NWO. Joe Biden is not going to save you from Trump. Christ is not going to come back to save you. BUT YOU WILL. It is all in your hands once you remember your true nature and how powerful you actually are.

Part I – Pathological defense and coping mechanisms

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Defense and coping mechanisms

Life as a human being is tough, and we are often given more than we can handle. When under stress, our psyche is determined to help us stay safe so that we may survive and overcome challenges coming our way. There is a large variety of common defense mechanisms that we employ to protect the ego, and they operate at an unconscious level to help ward off unpleasant feelings. Our defense mechanisms are another way we cope with anxieties. In psychoanalysis terms, coping mechanisms arise because we feel threatened, or because our id or superego (in psychoanalytic terms) becomes too demanding. Some psychologists differentiate between defense and coping mechanisms. According to them, a defense mechanism is unconscious and automatic, while a coping mechanism is a conscious attempt from the psyche to deal with a difficult situation.

Ego-defense mechanisms are natural and normal. We will always be using them when external situations that feel threatening and outside our control arise. As we grow older and hopefully wiser, our goal is to respond with more mature and adequate defense mechanisms.

On the other hand, because of past traumas, and unhealed aspects of ourselves, we are often displaying defense mechanisms that are not adapted to our external reality. In this situation, most of the focus has to be on releasing and healing the past traumas to minimize and eventually eliminate the trigger of the defense mechanism.

Finally, our lack of self-love, personal honesty, and self-awareness are responsible for many other maladapted defense mechanisms. The ego is terrified to see its shadows and will do anything to avoid seeing the truth about itself.

Initially, before changing anything, we need to develop an awareness of the coping mechanisms we use and observe our psyche without judgment. Eventually, through self-observation, we will be able to respond with better-adapted defense mechanisms to enjoy a happier and more fulfilling life.

Not all defense or coping mechanisms are created equal. We can categorize them in four main categories:

  • Pathological: There is a loss of contact with reality. We are in the realm of noticeable mental illness and irrationality. There is potential danger, harm or abuse for the individual and the people surrounding him/her.
  • Neurotic: Fairly common in adults, it offers short-term advantages in coping, but can often cause serious long-term problems in relationships, work and in enjoying life over the long run.
  • Immature: Acceptable with adolescents, they are unfortunately far too common with adults who have not developed their emotional intelligence and self-awareness. They are maladapted to the environment and the external reality.
  • Mature: They are only found with adults with high EQ, and they optimize success in life and relationships. They are respectful of others. They promote personal integration, resilience, creativity, learning and wisdom.

Part I – Pathological defense mechanisms

  • Delusional projection, paranoia, grandiosity
Delusional projection, paranoia, grandiosity

This is often found in schizophrenia. The person lives in her/his own imaginary reality and is suffering from grossly frank delusions about external reality, often of persecutory nature. It is often found in cult leaders who have adopted a grandiose idea of the self, and are looking for weak followers to adopt their insane beliefs. For example, using my own personal experience, Robert Burton from the Fellowship of Friends believed he was an angel trapped in a human body. During dinner, he would often leave an empty space for his « buddy » Leonardo Da Vinci whom he saw as his divine father. I have another acquaintance who sees himself fighting evil forces with the Son of God. According to him, he constantly fights antichrists, vampires, demons and hundreds of thousands of Chinese, American and Nazi soldiers but he feels relieved having 100,000 pages of prayers to help him (his own words). I also had a former girlfriend who was convinced I was attacking her psychically after we broke up.

  • Splitting
splitting

Splitting, also called black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking, is the failure in a person’s thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is quite common in romantic relationships where the object of love often  turns into an object of hate. People suffering from borderline personality disorder will have a tendency to see their partner, as all good at the start of the relationship, or all bad, typically after the relationship is over to deal with their fear of abandonment. Brad Pitt was Angelina Jolie’s soul mate but after they separated, she could only see a child abuser in him. The person using splitting carries an enormous amount of shame and has low self-esteem. As a result, they are unable to see their own shadow and will project it back to the former lover or close friend. Splitting is also one of the marks of parental alienation. The alienating parent’s weak ego can only identify with the positive aspects of being a protector so s/he will turn the children into victims in order to make the targeted parent a dangerous perpetrator. Splitting is a defense mechanism that helps to attach to someone, detach from someone and deal with the anxiety related to rejection and abandonment as we are wired to run away from the bad and dangerous person, and bond with the nice and safe person.

  • Extreme projection
extreme projection

People are so afraid of their own physical, moral, or psychological deficiency that they project it onto another individual or a group. This is also known as scapegoating. Adolf Hitler was a repressed homosexual for most of his life but he arrested over 100,000 of his fellow gay and lesbian German subjects on the basis of their sexual orientation. The most homophobic people are often homosexual themselves. This type of defense mechanism where we project onto others what we do not want to see in ourselves is also called reaction formation. Sometimes, multiple defense mechanisms are at play at the same time. In family systems, parents will project their good parts onto the golden child while projecting their shadows onto the identified patient, who serves as a scapegoat for the whole family. One of my former girlfriends, who survived horrendous abuse in her childhood, started seeing me towards the end of our relationship as her childhood abuser and a dangerous psychopath. By the same token, the most jealous people are often the ones having affairs on the side.

  • Denial
denial

It is the refusal to accept external reality because it is too threatening. We ignore anxiety-provoking thoughts by stating they are invalid. In the BBC documentary The Secret Swami, Isaac Tigrett, the founder of Hard Rock Café, stated that he believed that there was truth to the rumors of Sathya Sai Baba’s actions of pedophilia and sexual abuse towards thousands of his young male followers. But he also stated that such behavior would not change his faith in Sai Baba as he had to preserve his self image and his relationship with the guru he had donated over $100 million. All cult members rely heavily on denial to turn the other way when confronted with overwhelming evidence of the deviance of their guru. Children raised with an abusive parent also resort to denial to make this parent safe to feel safe themselves. I had an acquaintance who was sexually abused by her father all of her childhood and she still believed that no one in this world had loved her more than her father. In 2015, 12 years after the infamous invasion of Irak, still half of Republicans believed that weapons of mass destruction were found in Irak.

  • Addiction
addiction

Addiction is a psychological and physical inability to stop an activity or consuming a substance, even though it is causing psychological and physical harm. There are various degrees of addictions, and in its light form, it can be considered neurotic but the addiction can unfortunately often take a pathological turn. The most common addictions are alcoholism, smoking, drugs (both illicit and prescription drugs), overeating, gambling, sex, coffee, video games, workaholism and social media. I covered this topic in-depth previously. People, politicians and institutions often fail to realize that the addiction is only a symptom or a coping mechanism and not the core issue. As a consequence, in order to heal, we need to look and heal the emotional dynamic that the addiction is trying to block. Addiction to smoking is often linked to premature weaning, which resulted in poor self-image. Substance abuse is usually connected with the fear of being alone, and feeling disconnected with people. Genuine healing can take time so going to a less harmful coping mechanism can help tremendously too. Many alcoholics who were destroying their lives and those around them have turned to dogmatic religions (ex. Born Again Christian). This still represents a big improvement in their quality of life.

  • Self harm
self harm, cutting
hand with fresh and old scars of self destroyer

Nonsuicidal self-injury, often simply called self-injury, is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It is typically not meant as a suicide attempt but rather a drastic way to cope with extreme emotional pain, intense anger and frustration. One can only fathom the degree of emotional pain one must experience to feel release or even pleasure in self-mutilation. Unfortunately, while self-injury may bring a momentary sense of calm and a release of tension, it’s usually followed by the shame provoked by this behavior and the return of painful emotions. Teal Swan who used to be a cutter as a way to cope from a very traumatic childhood is one of the rare few who dared to talk about this taboo subject.

  • Stockholm syndrome
stockholm syndrome

Harmless victims feel so powerless in the hands of their perpetrators that they develop a psychological alliance with their abuser as a survival strategy. As they see their perpetrator as all-powerful, there is nowhere to hide. Unconditional compliance feels unconsciously the only way to stay alive. Patty Hearst, the granddaughter of publisher William Randolph Hearst, was taken and held hostage by the Symbionese Liberation Army, “an urban guerilla group”, in 1974. She was recorded denouncing her family as well as the police under her new name, “Tania”, and was later seen working with the SLA to rob banks in San Francisco. She publicly asserted her sympathetic feelings towards the SLA and their pursuits as well. It took years of therapy for satanic ritual abuse poster child Teal Swan before she could acknowledge that her abuser was not her real father. A lighter and more common form of the Stockholm syndrome will get people with abusive parents to select similarly abusive partners in their adult life. Their wires have been crossed, as they had to create the association danger=love to survive their early life of mistreatment.

  • Excessive control, dominance, jealousy and possession
extreme control, dominance

A person may feel so powerless from within, that they may compensate by exercising absolute control over other human beings, and sometimes animals. The most common form is the jealous husband or wife who gets into rage if their spouse speaks with someone of the opposite gender. They have an innate need to control all aspects of their spouses’ life. This control can also be seen in cases of parental alienation where the alienating parent is exercising full emotional control of their children, who have become their narcissistic objects. The same behaviors can be witnessed in the workplace where an authoritative boss is dictating the life of their employees for his/her personal benefit rather than advancing the company vision. Harvey Weinstein used his position in the movie business to sexually assault hundreds of young actresses such as Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie or Gwyneth Paltrow. Cult leaders fall into the same category as they take full control of their disciples’ life for their personal benefit. In the David Berg’s cult Children of God, women were nothing short of slaves. In addition of raising children, taking care of the household, cooking, cleaning, they had to give themselves willingly to the elders (“sexual sharing”) and at night, they had to enroll new members prostituting themselves if required (“flirty fishing”). Dictators  have the most negative impact with this pathological coping mechanism as they exercise absolute control over entire states. Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi who was Libya’s supreme leader for 34 years was one of these despicable human beings, but there are so many more today creating hell for their subjects. Actually, there are 50 countries in the world with autocratic government and this contributes to billions of people’s misery.

  • Demonic possession
demonic possession

This is a more controversial defense mechanism that I am listing here however I have personally witnessed it on numerous occasions. Demonic possession has both terrified and fascinated humankind since the beginning of time, and this is why so many movies have been inspired by it. Under very severe stress or abuse, the front personalities may vacate the body, leaving an empty shell for demonic entities to take over. It is a defense mechanism, because it is a desperate attempt to survive by exiting the current reality. Unfortunately, when the front personalities come back into the body, they typically have to face, with indescribable shame, the horrible actions committed by the dark entities in their absence. Actually, many serial killers say that they were possessed by a demon that takes control of them when they are about to commit their heinous crimes. This type of personality dissociation is well known of satanic cults that use torture and the most extreme of sexual and physical abuse to insert demonic entities in children to transform them into obedient mind-controlled slaves. I became more aware of this sad reality as I fell in love with a woman that had been abused by a satanic cult all of her childhood. 

  • Psychopathy
psychopath

Similar to a sociopath, a psychopath has lost all ability for empathy because of repeated and extreme childhood traumas. Whereas a sociopath is still striving to be a good and a moral person from their mind, the psychopath is immoral and has given up on restraining his dark pulsions. He has typically formed some insane dogma to justify his deviant actions. An example of this can be found in the book Mein Kampf that Hitler wrote before he took control of Germany. Because the psychopath has fully disconnected from his heart, he is also fully disconnected from other people and sees them as separate of himself. This is the basis of Satanic cults where exploitation and vampirism are seen as a way to get stronger and more powerful. In this gloomy view of the universe, energy is limited and each one of us is alone so needs to use others as objects for personal gratification. Psychopaths have very deep buried traumas within them but they have completely shut down so as not to feel them. They only feel alive when they torture, abuse and brutalize their victims to mirror the internal aspects of them that are in hell. The more horror they perform, the more they disconnect emotionally to cope with the little left of their conscience and the more deviant they get. A tragic dismal path of destruction surrounds them.

Read part II – Neurotic defense mechanisms

How I ran a full marathon without ever training for more than 3 miles

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Vaillant completes a full marathon

I am a big believer in the balance of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of us. Actually, each aspect is symbolized by one of the four elements. Fire for spiritual (really for the soul plane as spirit correlates to Ether or the 5th element), water for emotional, air for mental and earth for physical. Earth is the resultant of fire, water and air elements working together. The quality of our external physical manifestations is therefore directly connected to the quality of our intentions, feelings and thoughts. From my perspective, human beings true mission is to bring the truth of the higher spiritual spheres into our physical reality, hence to bring heaven on earth. Many of us deviate from this purpose as we listen to our ego rather than to our heart.   

A healthy mind in a healthy body

Many spiritual people deny or reject the physical dimension while it is the crucible of our spiritual achievements. This is why we say that actions speak louder than words. On the same token, Mens sana in corpore sano is a Latin phrase, usually translated as “a sound mind in a sound body”. The phrase is widely used in sporting and educational contexts to express the theory that physical exercise is an important or essential part of mental and psychological well-being. Emotional healing needs to go hand in hand with physical healing so I got inspired to get myself back in shape. I also wanted to make a statement for a cause that is close to my heart so I decided to sign up for my first full marathon in Salt Lake City.

As I was doing some online research on preparing for the marathon, I came across a video with Wim Hof, a Dutchman that ran a full marathon in shorts and sandals in temperatures close to −20 °C (−4 °F) above the arctic circle in Finland. He is an adept of meditation and yoga. A lot of scientific studies have been conducted about him that proved his claims. In one of his videos, he said that “awakening is to be happy, strong, and healthy; the rest is BULLSHIT!” And I could not agree with him more. I subsequently read a book he co-authored with Koen De Jong “The way of the iceman”.

The Way of the Iceman

There is a lot of information online about it but basically the Wim Hof method is a combination of breathing exercises and cold training. I am a morning person and this is when I have the most energy. I decided to create my own routine built on these two principles. I would wake-up, put on some motivational workout music, do 3 series of abdominal crunch and push-ups. Then, I would start the Wim Hof breathing exercises that he actually learned from Tibetan Buddhism. I noticed that holding the breath is the part that kicks the primal brain that is responsible for survival and the immune system. While I could only hold my breath for 1 minute initially, I managed to hold it for 3 minutes a month later. Wim Hof is able to hold his breath for about 10 minutes. I noticed that after the third repetition of the breathing exercise, I felt strong and inspired to do anything. The first day I tried it, it was 6 am in Salt Lake City on March 14th under icy condition. I went out with a shirt and shorts. After 2 minutes running, I felt a sense of exhilaration and I took my shirt off and started running bare chest. I felt amazing and so alive. I ran 1.5 mile that first day. The rare people or drivers I came across may have wondered about this crazy guy running naked in freezing Salt Lake City Avenues. I came back home and took a shower, first warm to bring back my body to normal temperature but ended with a cold shower. My torso was red due to the blood circulation but this is actually a healthy sign. Then I would meditate to connect to my heart and plan my day accordingly to live an inspired life. And it happened to be a good day so I got motivated to do it a second day. My body would actually wake me up naturally early, because it was getting already addicted to the high of feeling alive, typically associated with a dopamine or melatonin rush. I kept this strict routine for 7 days in a row. Then I hit a wall. I intuitively felt would get sick if I were to push harder so I took a break.

inner children in adults

As I mentioned in previous blogs, we are a multitude within ourselves. If we keep pushing while ignoring the internal parts of us that feel weak, depressed, worthless or unlovable, these parts will eventually rebel which may manifest in illness or accident. These so-called parts are actually very powerful as they are connected to the inner child, the seat of the soul. During the following week, I did a lot of meditation to listen to these hurt and tender parts of my being, which is commonly called inner child work, while giving my body a well-deserved rest. The adult and child selves within me starting to collaborate more effectively, and I created an inner child playlist mostly made to songs of my childhood. Moving forward, during my routine, I would play both playlists so all my inner children and adults could feel included into this process of getting back in shape. The inner adults bring discipline, knowledge, reason, toughness while the inner children bring enthusiasm, joy, kindness and connection to spirit. Once they start working together, true miracles are possible.

I have included my actual detailed jogging training. As you can see, it alternates cycles of training with periods of rest. And this routine takes relatively little time, 45 minutes at most.

jogging schedule

So I ran a total of 24 miles in total to train for the marathon (less than the marathon distance), never exceeding 3 miles on any given morning however all of these runs happened at low temperature (between 20 and 40 degree Fahrenheit) while running bare chest.

Wim Hof running half naked in winter

One of my training was rather funny and somewhat embarrassing. One of my friends invited me at his cabin in the mountain with over 10 feet of snow. While he started running with me, he quickly returned home. After my regular 20 minute running, I came back but for the life of me, I could not find my way home, as all cabins looked the same. I circled for a while but I was definitely lost. There was also no cell coverage so there is no one I could call. I had to find someone to help me out but the whole neighborhood was empty. There was so much snow that to access any cabin, I would have to plunge into 2 feet of fresh snow well above my knees. There was no street access to the cabins, and most residents there have a snowmobile. There was a small sense of panic but somehow my primal brain had already kicked in due to my new routine and I felt relatively calm and confident. After a few unsuccessful tries, I managed to locate a cabin with people inside. They were definitely surprised to find a naked man asking for hospitality but they were very gracious about it. I called my friend using the WIFI of my unexpected hosts. My friend did not even know his exact address, only the street name as all numbers were covered in snow. I got a map of the residential neighborhood from my new host, and started running again to my friend’s cabin. But after another 25 minutes running in the cold, I still could not find him as it was a rather long street and all cabins looked the same so I had no another choice to return again to my kind hosts. This time, I asked my friend to stay in the street and my compassionate host drove me this time with his snowmobile. And I arrived safely to my friend’s cabin. I was not at all shaken from that experience. We simply laughed, I took a hot shower and then snowboarded the whole day after that. No unnecessary energy had been wasted in fear.

It had snowed the day prior to the Salt Lake City marathon on April 13th. I went to the start a race with shorts and a custom shirt I had designed for my cause, which was now holding my bib. My cold training proved to be very convenient as most runners start the race with lots of layers that they probably had to remove later as it got warmer. I started the race slowly, understanding that I would need the endurance to run approximately 5 hours. I would only play meditation music the first two hours, keeping my workout and inner child playlist for the second part of the race to give me the necessary boosts as things got tougher.

Vaillant running a marathon

My cardio and my spirit felt great however after only one hour, I felt that my legs were heavy and that my kidneys were strained. I had not trained my legs enough so they would realistically be my limiting factor. After 3 hours, my legs and feet were hurting a lot and I used my playlists to kick in my primal brain. This is a form of NLP technique as the music can now be used to trigger the state. I was then running on heart and will alone. I ran one more hour this way until I reach mile 20. Then my legs abandoned me. I became simply incapable of running so I switched to walking. Walking seemed easy at first as it used different leg muscles, and I found out that I could walk relatively fast. The last two miles were however excruciating and I started limping. I had thoughts of giving up but I could not do it now so close from the finish line. And I finally did cross it after almost 6 hours!

Vaillant slowly decomposing when running a full marathon

I called my friend Branson and he picked me up. But little did I realize that I had only won half the battle. Recovering from this grueling effort was next. I had to crawl to get to my bedroom as I was incapable of walking anymore. There, I laid on my bed completely disabled so I called Christian to bring me bananas and water. I just did not have enough energy to have a regular meal. For the next 20 hours, I just alternated between sleep and waking time where I would listen an audio program to distract myself. My energy was even too weak to watch a movie on my phone. The hardest part was to crawl to the bathroom to urinate as I had to drink lots of water to support my kidneys’ healing. It was like being sick. The second day of recovery was a bit better. I still could not leave my bed but I could binge on watching movies, and got myself a real meal. During that recovery time, I use a lot of my awareness to be fully present to my body in order to speed up the healing, no matter how much it hurt. The following Monday, my mind was alert and could do some work on the computer though I was limping pretty badly but at least I was mobile again. Tuesday, I was able to go out at night with friends. I gave ample rest to my body during these days, keeping an easy schedule. On Thursday night, I was scheduled to play a tennis league match against the best team of the league, which had won the nationals last year. I had recovered just in time. Just before the match, I did the breathing exercises taught by Wim Hof which I had not done since the marathon. It kicked back my primal brain. I was calm, and determined to win. As expected, I played against a much better player than me but I felt so strong mentally that I ended up winning 6/3 6/4. My opponent lost his composure, as he could not make sense of my resistance on the tennis court to what was supposed to be an easy win for him. I had an overwhelming desire to win while not facing any stress at all. All my teammates were impressed by my win as they were all severely defeated and we ended up losing 4 matches to 1. This single win was however determinant as it kept us on the second position of the league, keeping our chance to qualify for the district tournament.

Vaillant doing the 999 bike ride in Salt Lake City

But the night was not over. My friend Matt called me up and asked me to join him for the 999 ride in Salt Lake City. It is a weekly bike ride that happens at 9 AM at the corner of 900 S and 900 E. So I went biking with over 100 fun people in the streets of Salt Lake City on a beautiful full moon until midnight. I ended up also speaking with a homeless guy to try to help him out, and meet a bunch of interesting people. The night got cooler but I felt great all along. Even after I came home, I still had plenty of energy. Thank you Wim Hof. I can attest from my own personal experience that your stuff works!

However, just like every new information, it is important to make it your own. We need to experiment just as a scientist would do what works and does not work. We use our body sensations, feelings and emotions as our feedback mechanism and inner guidance system. While a teacher such as Wim Hof can provide valuable information and point us in the right direction, our progress lies first and foremost within ourselves. It takes personal discipline, curiosity, introspection, intelligence, proactivity and persistence.

What are you willing to experiment to create a higher quality of life?

French translation below – Article en Français ci-dessus

Comment j’ai couru un marathon de 42 km sans jamais m’entraîner sur plus de 5 kilomètres

Je crois en l’équilibre des aspects physique, émotionnel, mental et spirituel à l’intérieur de nous. En réalité, chaque aspect est symbolisé par l’un des quatre éléments. Le feu pour le spirituel (je parle ici du plan de l’âme, car l’esprit est associé à l’Ether qui est le 5e élément dont les 4 éléments sont issus), l’eau pour l’émotionnel, l’air pour le mental et la terre pour le physique. La terre est la résultante de l’action des éléments feu, eau et air travaillant ensemble. La qualité de nos manifestations physiques externes est donc directement liée à la qualité de nos intentions, sentiments et pensées. De mon point de vue, la vraie mission de l’homme consiste à apporter la vérité des sphères spirituelles supérieures au sein de notre réalité physique, et donc à amener le paradis sur terre. Beaucoup d’entre nous s’écartent de ce but en écoutant leur ego plutôt que leur cœur.

De nombreuses personnes spirituelles nient ou rejettent la dimension physique alors que c’est le creuset de nos réalisations spirituelles. C’est pourquoi nous disons que les actions parlent plus fort que les mots. De même, « Mens sana in corpore sano » est une expression latine, généralement traduite par « Un esprit sain dans un corps sain ». Cette expression est largement utilisée dans les contextes sportif et éducatif pour exprimer la théorie selon laquelle l’exercice physique est un élément important ou essentiel du bien-être mental et psychologique. La guérison émotionnelle doit aller de pair avec la guérison physique, et cela m’a inspiré pour me remettre en forme. Je voulais aussi courir pour la cause de l’aliénation parentale, alors j’ai décidé de m’inscrire à mon premier marathon à Salt Lake City.

Alors que je faisais des recherches en ligne pour me préparer marathon, je suis tombé sur une vidéo de Wim Hof, un Hollandais qui a couru un marathon en short et sandales à des températures proches de -20 °C juste au-dessus du cercle arctique en Finlande. C’est un adepte de la méditation et du yoga. De nombreuses études scientifiques ont été menées à son sujet, qui ont prouvé la véracité de ses propos. Dans l’une de ses vidéos, il a déclaré que « S’éveiller, c’est être heureux, fort et en bonne santé ; le reste, ce ne sont que des bêtises ! ». Et je ne pouvais pas être plus d’accord avec lui. J’ai, par la suite, lu un livre qu’il a coécrit avec Koen De Jung : « La voie de l’homme des glaces ».

Il existe de nombreuses informations en ligne à son sujet, mais la méthode de Wim Hof consiste essentiellement en une combinaison d’exercices de respiration et d’entraînement au froid. Je suis une personne matinale et c’est, à ce moment-là, que j’ai le plus d’énergie. J’ai donc décidé de créer ma propre routine basée sur ces deux principes. Chaque matin, au réveil, je mets donc de la musique motivante, je fais trois séries d’exercices abdominaux et des pompes. Ensuite, je fais les exercices de respiration de Wim Hof qu’il avait, en fait, appris du bouddhisme tibétain. J’ai remarqué qu’après les trente hyperventilations, retenir le souffle est la partie qui déclenche le cerveau primal responsable de la survie, de la motivation et de l’instinct. Alors que je ne pouvais retenir ma respiration que pendant une minute au début, je réussis à présent à retenir mon souffle pendant trois minutes un mois plus tard. Wim Hof est capable de retenir son souffle pendant environ dix minutes. Après la troisième répétition de l’exercice de respiration, je me sens fort et je suis impatient de commencer à courir. Le premier jour où je l’ai fait, j’étais à Salt Lake City le quatorze mars, à six heures du matin, dans des conditions glaciales. Je ne portais qu’un T-shirt et un short. Après deux minutes de course, je me suis senti exalté et j’ai enlevé mon T-shirt pour courir la poitrine nue. Je me sentais fort et vraiment vivant. J’ai couru deux kilomètres et demi ce premier jour. Les rares personnes ou conducteurs que j’ai croisés ce matin-là se sont peut-être interrogés sur ce fou qui courait à moitié nu dans les rues de Salt Lake City à une température négative. Mon torse et mes jambes étaient rouges à cause de la circulation sanguine, mais c’est, en fait, un signe de bonne santé. Je suis rentré à la maison et j’ai pris une douche, tout d’abord chaude pour ramener mon corps à une température normale, puis j’ai fini par prendre une douche froide. Ensuite, j’ai médité pour me connecter à mon cœur et j’ai planifié ma journée en suivant l’inspiration du moment. Et comme ce fut une bonne journée, cela m’a motivé pour recommencer le jour suivant et ensuite, celui d’après. En fait, mon corps me réveillait naturellement plus tôt, parce qu’il était déjà accro au sentiment de se sentir vivant et en bonne santé. J’ai gardé cette routine pendant sept jours d’affilée. Puis je me suis heurté à un mur. J’avais intuitivement l’impression de commencer à tomber malade si je venais à trop forcer. J’ai donc pris une pause pendant une semaine.

Comme je l’ai mentionné dans mes blogs précédents, nous sommes une multitude en nous-mêmes. Si nous continuons à forcer en ignorant nos parties internes qui se sentent faibles, déprimées ou sans valeur, ces parties finiront par se rebeller et pourraient créer une maladie ou un accident. Ces soi-disant parties sont en réalité très puissantes, car elles sont connectées à l’enfant intérieur, le siège de l’âme. Au cours de la semaine suivante, j’ai donc beaucoup médité pour écouter ces parties de mon être douloureuses et tendres, un processus communément appelé travail de l’enfant intérieur, tout en donnant à mon corps un repos bien mérité. L’adulte et l’enfant en moi ont commencé à collaborer plus efficacement, et j’ai créé une liste de musique pour mon enfant intérieur, principalement composée de chansons de mon enfance. Par la suite, pendant ma routine du matin, j’alternais mes deux listes de musique pour que tous mes enfants et mes adultes intérieurs puissent se sentir impliqués dans ma remise en forme. Les adultes intérieurs apportent discipline, connaissance, raison, endurance tandis que les enfants intérieurs apportent enthousiasme, joie, gentillesse et connexion à l’esprit. Une fois qu’ils travaillent ensemble, de vrais miracles sont possibles.

J’ai inclus mon entraînement de jogging détaillé. Comme vous pouvez le constater, il alterne des cycles d’entraînement avec des périodes de repos. Et cette routine prend relativement peu de temps, 45 minutes au maximum.

J’ai donc couru trente-huit kilomètres au total pour m’entraîner pour le marathon (moins que la distance du marathon), ne dépassant jamais cinq kilomètres chaque matin, mais toutes ces courses se sont déroulées à basse température (entre -5 et 5 degrés centigrades) en courant torse nu.

Un de mes entraînement était plutôt amusant et quelque peu gênant. Un de mes amis m’avait invité à son chalet dans la montagne avec plus de trois mètres de neige. Alors qu’il avait commencé à courir avec moi, il est rapidement rentré chez lui. Après mes vingt minutes de course habituelles, je suis rentré, mais malgré tous mes efforts, je ne parvenais pas à retrouver mon chemin, car toutes les chalets se ressemblaient. J’ai tourné en rond pendant un bon moment, mais j’étais vraiment perdu. Il n’y avait pas non plus de couverture réseau, donc je ne pouvais appeler personne. Je devais trouver quelqu’un pour m’aider, mais tous les sentiers étaient vides. Il y avait tellement de neige que pour accéder à un chalet, il me fallait plonger dans un mètre de neige fraîche bien au-dessus de mes genoux. Les chalets n’étaient pas accessibles par la rue et la plupart des résidents avaient une motoneige. J’ai eu alors un léger sentiment de panique, mais mon cerveau primal avait déjà commencé à fonctionner à cause de ma routine et je me sentais relativement calme et confiant. Après quelques tentatives infructueuses, j’ai réussi à localiser un chalet avec des personnes à l’intérieur. Ils étaient vraiment surpris de trouver un homme nu demandant l’hospitalité, mais ils se sont montrés très aimables. J’ai appelé mon ami en utilisant le wi-fi de mes sauveurs. Mon ami ne connaissait même pas son adresse exacte, seulement le nom de la rue, car tous les numéros étaient recouverts de neige. On m’a donné un plan du quartier et j’ai recommencé à courir vers le chalet de mon ami. Mais après vingt-cinq autres minutes supplémentaires de course dans le froid, je ne le retrouvais toujours pas, car la rue était assez longue et tous les chalets étaient identiques. Je n’avais donc pas d’autre choix que de retourner vers la maison de mes gentils hôtes surprises. Cette fois-ci, j’ai demandé à mon ami de rester dans la rue, et une personne m’a conduit avec sa motoneige. Et finalement, je suis bien rentré au chalet de mon ami. Je n’étais pas du tout ébranlé par cette expérience. Nous avons simplement ri, j’ai pris une douche chaude, puis j’ai fait du snowboard toute la journée. Aucune énergie inutile n’avait été gaspillée dans la peur.

Il avait neigé la veille du marathon de Salt Lake City le treize avril. Je me suis présenté au départ avec un short et un T-shirt personnalisé que j’avais conçu pour ma cause de réunification familiale, recouvert maintenant par mon dossard. Mon entraînement au froid s’est avéré très utile, car la plupart des coureurs débutent la course avec beaucoup de survêtements qu’ils doivent généralement enlever plus tard quand il fait plus chaud. J’ai commencé la course lentement, comprenant qu’il me faudrait de l’endurance pour courir environ cinq heures. Je n’ai fait que jouer de la musique de méditation les deux premières heures, afin de réserver mes musiques d’entraînement pour la deuxième partie de la course, quand la fatigue allait me rattraper.

Mes poumons et mon moral étaient hauts, mais après seulement une heure, j’ai senti que mes jambes s’alourdissaient et que mes reins étaient en suractivité. Je n’avais pas suffisamment entraîné mes jambes, et elles devenaient donc mon facteur limitant. Après trois heures de courses, mes jambes et mes pieds me faisaient très mal, et j’ai utilisé ma musique de motivation pour enclencher mon cerveau primal. C’est une forme de technique de PNL, car la musique pouvait maintenant être utilisée pour déclencher l’état. Je courais alors simplement avec la force du cœur et ma volonté. J’ai couru une heure de plus dans cet état jusqu’à atteindre le vingtième kilomètre. Puis mes jambes m’ont abandonné. Je suis devenu incapable de courir davantage, alors je suis passé à la marche. La marche semblait facile au début, car elle utilisait différents muscles de la jambe et j’ai découvert que je pouvais marcher relativement vite. Les trois derniers kilomètres étaient cependant insoutenables et j’ai commencé à boîter. J’ai pensé abandonner, mais je ne pouvais pas le faire maintenant si près de la ligne d’arrivée. Et je l’ai finalement traversée après presque 6 heures !

J’ai appelé mon ami Branson qui est venu me chercher. Je ne réalisais cependant pas que je n’avais gagné que la moitié de la bataille. Se remettre de cet effort exténuant était le prochain défi. J’ai dû marcher à quatre pattes afin de rejoindre ma chambre, incapable de marcher. Je me suis couché sur mon lit, complètement handicapé et j’ai appelé mon ami Christian pour qu’il m’apporte des bananes et de l’eau. Je n’avais tout simplement pas assez d’énergie pour prendre un repas régulier. Pendant les vingt heures qui ont suivi, j’ai simplement alterné les heures de sommeil et de veille, où j’écoutais un programme audio pour me distraire. Mon énergie était même trop faible pour regarder un film sur mon téléphone. La partie la plus difficile était de ramper vers les toilettes, car je devais boire beaucoup d’eau pour faciliter la guérison de mes reins. J’étais comme malade. Le deuxième jour de récupération a été un peu mieux. Je ne pouvais toujours pas quitter mon lit, mais je pouvais regarder des films et prendre un vrai premier repas. Pendant ce temps de récupération, j’ai utilisé une grande partie de ma conscience pour être pleinement présent dans mon corps afin d’accélérer la guérison, peu importe la douleur. Le lendemain, mon esprit était à nouveau alerte et je pouvais travailler sur mon ordinateur même si je boîtais encore beaucoup, mais au moins j’étais mobile. Mardi, j’ai pu sortir le soir avec des amis. J’ai donné beaucoup de repos à mon corps pendant ces jours, en allégeant mon emploi du temps. Le jeudi soir, je devais disputer un match de tennis contre la meilleure équipe de la ligue, qui avait remporté les championnats nationaux l’année dernière. J’avais récupéré juste à temps. Peu avant le match, j’ai fait les exercices de respiration enseignés par Wim Hof, ce que je n’avais pas fait depuis le marathon. Cela a réactivé mon cerveau primal. J’étais calme et déterminé à gagner. Comme prévu, j’ai joué contre un joueur bien meilleur que moi, mais je me sentais si fort mentalement que j’ai fini par gagner 6/3-6/4. Mon adversaire a perdu son calme, car il ne réalisait pas ce qui lui arrivait. J’avais un désir irrésistible de gagner sans être stressé. Tous mes co-équipiers ont été impressionnés par ma victoire, car ils ont tous été battus à plate couture, et nous avons perdu quatre matchs contre un.

La nuit n’était toutefois pas finie. Mon ami Matt m’a appelé et m’a demandé de le rejoindre pour la balade 999 à Salt Lake City. Alors, je suis allé faire du vélo avec plus de 100 personnes dans les rues de Salt Lake City par une belle nuit de pleine lune jusqu’à minuit. J’ai parlé également avec un sans-abri pour essayer de l’aider, et j’ai rencontré tout un groupe de personnes intéressantes. La nuit s’est refroidie, mais je me sentais bien tout le temps. Même après mon retour à la maison, j’avais encore beaucoup d’énergie. Merci Wim Hof. Je peux attester par mon expérience personnelle que vos outils fonctionnent !

Cependant, comme pour toute nouvelle information, il est important de la personnaliser. Nous devons expérimenter comme un scientifique, et faire le tri entre ce qui marche et ne marche pas. Nous écoutons nos sensations physiques, nos sentiments et les émotions de notre corps, et nous les utilisons comme un système de guidage interne. Un enseignant tel que Wim Hof peut nous fournir des informations précieuses et nous orienter dans la bonne direction, mais notre progrès repose avant tout sur nous-mêmes. Cela demande de la discipline personnelle, de la curiosité, de l’introspection, de l’intelligence, de la proactivité et de la persistance.

Que voulez-vous expérimenter aujourd’hui pour améliorer la qualité de votre vie ?

Multiplicity and finding one’s way home towards integration

We are a multiplicity of selves

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I was looking to go to the movies recently with a friend, and I noticed that all movie theaters were playing the latest Captain Marvel movie. A reason why this type of movies attracts such big crowds is because most of us have a powerless inner child that we have buried. Super heroes movies are an enjoyable fantasy for our powerless young selves. This is how it works. We come to this plane of existence as a divine child with no limitation, and no negative imprints. But because of our previous karma, our soul may have decided to come into a family and society environment that is challenging (to say the least for some of us). Our soul has not made the decision to punish us because we are bad. It simply wants us to learn love, joy, faith, celebration, compassion or any other higher vibrational states by first experiencing its opposite. Our soul will then select an environment with a negative imprint that we are meant to transform, and our life purpose is typically the opposite vibration of this negative imprint. This is how our inner child finds itself initially in a traumatic environment. From this place of darkness, a new desire is born, and the first split occurs.

Child playing super heroe

As a baby, we are completely dependent on our primary caregivers. If they are not able to meet our physical and emotional needs, there is very little we can do besides crying or being sick to signal them something is not quite right. It is a very powerless state. In order to survive, we need to adapt to our environment and figure out which strategies will help us best meet our needs and feel the love we are desperately starving for. This process is mostly unconscious. It could be crying, developing an ailment, being quiet, being funny, ignoring one’s needs to the benefit of others (common in big families), being angry, becoming the golden child, not bothering the parents and staying alone, and so on, so forth… When we start going to school, the same process occurs but this time with peers and authority figures such as teachers. So by the time we have become adults, we have already created a whole arborescence of different personalities, and aspects of the selves that live within us. They were all born from the same process of desire and splitting. Some of these parts are repressed in the subconscious while others live in the conscious mind.  These parts may or may not be conscious of each other. These parts may be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual in nature. As a result, all of us are a multiplicity of personalities.

For example, one part may decide to wake up at 6 AM the next morning to go to the gym and start shedding these extra pounds. Unfortunately, when the alarm clock rings the next morning, there is another part that just wants to rest and it shuts off the alarm clock. As a result, we stay in bed until 7:30 AM, the time to get to work in a hurry. Or while we are at a conference, we find this girl super attractive and we decide to talk to her. She is talking with other people. As we come closer, another inner part of us jumps in. It tells us we do not have the time, that she is not that attractive after all, that she is busy with other people, that she will not be interested in us anyway, that she is probably with another guy. So we change our mind and we do not talk to her. This part was probably connected with a fragile aspect of us that got hurt through rejection. The list is endless and this is why we have so much difficulty manifesting a life that feels good. Our parts are constantly fighting each other, having contradictory opinions, sabotaging each other. Basically, it just feels like the US congress 🙂

If we had a traumatic childhood, our state of multiplicity and inner division is often a source of intense suffering. We may have repressed angry, desperate, lonely, suicidal, or bitter parts. They may show up uninvited under pressure or with our intimate partner. Because we have not done the work of inner integration, we are like a big overpopulated house where anarchy reigns. The person in that house with the most energy at a given moment takes control, but then may be replaced with someone else with completely different ideas. In that house, everyone is leaving a mess, it is a cacophony where no one can hear each other, where there is little concern for other house members and actions are only taken when survival is at stake. There are some good people there but they feel powerless to get anyone to listen to them.

Mob representing the different aspects within the self

Whether we are aware of this or not, we have the desire for better integration and this playground that we call life is simply a perfect reflection of our inner parts and how they interact with each other. It takes immense bravery to see that all the close people in our life are a perfect mirror of our internal parts. How is that possible? How could this authoritarian boss, this crazy ex wife, these rude teenagers, this friend that just betrayed us be all a part of me? They are everything what we cannot stand, and want to push away because they hurt us. Yes, this is why they represent parts of us that are repressed because they were deemed unacceptable by the conscious mind. But they keep manifesting in our physical reality to torment us because they are desperate to come into the light of awareness too. Our soul always attempts to bring light into darkness, or awareness into unconsciousness so this is why these hidden aspects keep manifesting externally. This is why someone on the spiritual path will look inwardly when s/he is triggered. They know that this is an opportunity to heal by bringing a repressed hurt aspect of their past into the light of consciousness for integration.

The first important thing to realize is that we can work on our own internal parts with the way we treat people. So working with other people to develop more collaborative, loving, harmonious relationships is doing the same internally with our own inner parts. This is one of the big secrets of life. This is why the quality of our life is first the quality of our relationships. Our relationships never lie and act as the most accurate mirror of our internal world. So the more strongly we feel about a person (whether positive or negative), the closer mirror s/he is. People we dislike represent aspects of us that we repress and people we like or admire represent aspects of us that we want to develop. Someone in your acquaintances may attract a lot of attention, but you may be mostly indifferent to him/her. This means that s/he is not presently mirroring you so you are ignoring it because this is not important for your personal growth. People that used to be very important to our life may disappear naturally as we keep changing and evolving. And because we live in an efficient universe, many of our immediate relationships would be typically close mirrors of our inner parts, and the relationships that do not provide this mirroring would eventually fade away from our life.

Osho's quote about relationship mirrors

There are people working in highly hierarchical and even dictatorial organizations. It means they may have one or more internal parts that are tyrannizing the rest of them. Most healers are wounded healers because they are healing their parts by healing other people. You will actually not find a healer without a traumatic childhood. The judges and lawyers are people with many critical parts that they need to constantly punish or save. The engineer thinks that his parts have a problem and needs fixing. The professions we have chosen are a very good indicator of our inner world. When a professional occupation ceases to be interesting, it means that it has stopped to be a good mirror to our inner world. Life is not what it appears to be. Many professions that are seen as successful and well paid are actually reflective of deep inner torment such as judges and lawyers. A doctor that sees sick people all day long is not in a much better place. This statement should not be perceived as a judgment. In order to be happy, we need to feel we are growing and healing and these environments are very rewarding so some people.

Judge

There are often two sides to these professions. From a karmic standpoint, a policeman is often someone who graduated from being a criminal (same as a criminal lawyer), a doctor from being a patient, a psychiatrist from someone with mental health concerns, a spiritual leader from a follower, a victim from being a perpetrator. The soul desires to understand both sides of the perspective. Actually, it is well documented that many of the Nazi officers during WWII developed very serious mental illnesses.  As they followed orders and killed their stated enemies, they were killing aspects of them at the same time. Scholars also speculate that Hitler suffered from schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, syphilis, severe headaches, dizziness, insomnia, monorchism and Parkinson’s disease. So was Hitler the most powerful man on earth in 1941 or the most powerless one?

Let me repeat this very important shortcut for your spiritual growth. By working on external relationships, we work on ourselves. The hardest reflection is often our own children. For example, a conservative and righteous Christian father with a gay son is often indicative of his own homosexual desires that he had to repress earlier on to fit society model. A fearful ex wife doing protective gatekeeping with her children may prevent at all cost any contact between the father and their children. To be a mirror of this situation, the alienated father may have a strong protector personality that may have shut down his own hurt traumatized inner children in order to survive his own childhood. It is interesting to look at the challenges that children are facing, and how this may just be the reflection of aspects that one or both parents may have repressed.

Many people want fame but to become a star, one needs to be or become a reflector. Basically, s/he needs to project a persona that most people can identify with. A famous person is someone that can mirror the parts of millions of people. Ideally, this star is able to mirror a positive potential to inspire people such as Elon Musk, Oprah Winfrey, Roger Federer, the Dalaï Lama or Jackie Chan. But otherwise, one can become just as famous by projecting the repressed darker parts of the collective. Roger Stone, Donald Trump’s political advisor, knew that very well when he said “it’s better to be infamous than never be famous at all. And, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about”. Fame, however, is a double-edged sword. If fame does not come as a natural consequence of who you are as a person from your core, then it is easy to get lost in the process of being famous and appealing to the masses. The projections of these millions of people will destroy the famous person who is desperately looking for that attention to have a sense of self. This is the paradox: to be famous and stay mentally healthy at the same time, it is critical to be unattached to fame.

Taylor Swift in concert

From my perspective, kindness is an underrated quality in our society however we all know that being kind and helpful makes us feel better about ourselves even (or especially) when we do not get anything in exchange. Kindness creates safety, trust, and positive relationships within us too. Loving-kindness is therefore one of the most effective approach towards true integration and this is why so many spiritual practices include it. This is the platform on which the most sustainable collective organizations are built. It is also the most effective way to share constructive feedback with someone. If someone feels shamed, judged or criticized, his or her ego will reject the observation as an attempt for self-preservation. However, it is true that kindness needs to be balanced with firmness so that other people or inner parts may not abuse it.

The kindness of children

So if life continues to mirror our inner world to help us grow and heal, what is our ultimate destination?  As we experience life in an introspective way, we learn to recognize what feels the best. What feels the best simply resonates at a higher frequency. We are naturally compelled to look for higher vibrational experiences, emotions & relationships. David Hawkins in Power vs Force made his own hierarchy of emotions and every individual need to feel it, experience it within themselves and build their own graph.

Power vs Force emotions ranking from David Hawkins

Theory without experience is counter-productive. The more wisdom we acquire, the more we are able to affect our reality in a positive way. When we have nothing more to learn from this hologram-based reality, which means when we have integrated all aspects of the self, shadow and light, our spirit graduates to another world or dimension to continue its progression towards oneness because evolution is infinite. Awakening is nothing else than the integration of all of our parts. First by becoming conscious of them and then making them work harmoniously with each other.

Stepping into authenticity

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authenticityIt has become clear to me that the events of the past couple of years were meant to get me to step into my authenticity. Most of us are suffering from attachment traumas because our caregivers were not able to give us the unconditional love, reflection, emotional support, attention and availability that we needed to develop into emotionally secure human being. Why? Simply because they suffered the same traumas, and what is not healed is passed on to the next generation. These attachment traumas convert into the belief that something is wrong with us and that we are not lovable (core shame). As a result, we create masks in order to get the love that we desperately need. I have seen this subconscious pattern clearly in my love relationships over a 20-year period. The enmeshment trauma with my mum combined with the absence of my dad has created the unconscious belief that I can only be loved for what I do, the role I play and not for who I am. In this configuration, to be needed is to be loved while too much neediness is putting my inner child in a panic as it reminds this immature self of the pressure it could not handle. So here is my pattern. I fall in love with a woman, and I seduce her by projecting the image of the type of man that she wants. One was in an abusive relationship, so I became her savior. Another one was in deep spiritual search, so I became a spiritual guide. Another one was in search of financial security and status so I became a provider,  a successful executive or a vice-consul. Another one needed constant external emotional regulation so I became a full-time caretaker. The trick worked in getting the woman I fell for, but there are consequences. As time passes, my partner gets to see the other parts of me and feels duped. By that time, she is however attached and committed to make the relationship work, especially as she struggles with her own abandonment traumas. Frequent arguments and constant drama are the mark of such relationships as my partner is in love with someone she is incompatible with. Her whole focus becomes about fixing me to become the person I was when I was courting her. This triggers my shame and I respond by pointing her own flaws, which triggers in turn her own shame. In my attempts to get my love relationship to work, I developed impressive skills in holding a container for someone I am not compatible with. This is truly exhausting. Stepping into authenticity, being completely open about who I am with the belief that I am lovable the way I am, is the better alternative.

To be authentic, we first have to know who we are. I am a Gemini man who is known to be the most complex sign of the zodiac. To make the matter harder, this is also a mutable sign. Now that I am in my 40s, I feel I can better define the core of who I am, and I am going to make my best attempt to describe it. I invite every one of you to do the same exercise.

Who am I?

I am curious, smart, adventurous, responsible, positive, high-energy, a free spirit, driven, loyal, flexible, resilient, complex, eccentric, daring, resourceful, spiritual, creative, perseverant, intense, self-reliant and introspective. I am a spiritual warrior, a magician, a lover and a leader. On the negative, I can be stubborn, willful and uncompromising when I have made up my mind. I am afraid of boredom. I have several splits: warm, loving and generous vs cold-hearted, kind & sweet vs insensitive, very social vs solitary, deeply intimate vs emotionally unavailable. I do not smoke, rarely drink, do not drink coffee, never take medication unless seriously sick, I am a vegetarian and believe in a healthy lifestyle. I value financial security and believe in living within your means. I believe in fairness, justice and reciprocity.

Relationships

I love women and I am a sexual being. I love physical touch but I love connecting just as much through deep, introspective and interesting conversations. Sex is only appealing to me when it comes with a love connection. I love to love and to feel loved. I am very cuddly as I go to sleep and wake up in the morning but I will pull away in my sleep during the night. I love women who have embraced their darkness, sexuality and authenticity but can also be kind, motherly and protective. I love their purity of heart, spontaneity and sensitivity. I am into witches and artists. I am slightly love avoidant so I need someone who has the capacity to handle my coming and going with minimum anxiety. I am an alpha and I do not mind sharing the lead with a powerful woman as long as there is respect, reciprocity and no double standard. I enjoy nurturing from women tremendously. I like to be needed but not smothered. The times I have been the happiest in my life have been in an intimate relationship so love relationships are very important to me.

In friendship, I am loyal and I rely on my personal interactions with a person rather than other people’s opinions. I like people who are vulnerable, authentic and share their feelings openly. I prefer one-on-ones to group interactions, as I like to go deep. I like kind, complex and secure individuals where silence is just as comfortable as conversation. The security to care for each other in difficult times is important to me.

I love my teenage children, want to earn back their love to reconnect with them.

I am comfortable around crowds and I am expert at networking though I prefer more intimate gatherings.

Career

I am an entrepreneur and a problem solver. I love starting new ventures from scratch. I need to use my mental capacities to make a difference in people’s lives. I enjoy financial independence through real estate or business. I like stretching myself and taking risk. I need an interesting career project that is outside my relationship. I like to have control over my own time. I love working from inspiration. I transform the suffering I went through, to help others going through the same ordeal using my life experience. I like philanthropic work especially for more difficult environments such as jail, hospice, orphanage, parental alienation and ritual abuse. I love that feeling to know I have made a difference in someone’s life. I want to be liked and respected in the community for my contribution. I need significance, not only vicariously by association but also for my own contribution. I like teaching, and having a leadership role.

Hobbies

My favorite sport is tennis and I like playing it competitively. I enjoy skiing, scuba diving, biking, hiking, camping, going to the gym and running. Though I love going to the beach, I enjoy the mountains even more. I like watching movies that are meaningful, documentaries and French movies. I like going out to restaurants and performances with my loved ones. My favorite music is transcendental, 80s pop, French and classical. I like a nice comfortable & beautiful home. I like community living for the emotional support, company, and convenience but I need to have enough one-on-one time with my beloved. I love traveling and exploring new exotic places. I like inviting people over for dinner and company. I enjoy cooking food for others as long as it is not everyday and an expectation. I like organizing weekend get-outs and vacation for my loved ones. I love the outdoors.

Inner life

Meaning is important to me. I want the feeling that I have an impact and that my life is meaningful. I want a purposeful life that improves the quality of many lives. I want to live a heart-centered life. I want to awaken my subtle senses and feel so much more about life, people, animals and plants. I want to be healthy, be physically active and pain free. I like to do process work with people, to bring them to a space of new realizations and change their lives. I like process work too when I am able to get new release or understanding. I believe in balance, and in a life with eyes on the sky with feet planted solidly on the ground. I enjoy shamanic work, and accessing higher awareness to improve my life. I enjoy writing about my inner life and new understanding. My life is driven by the pursuit of happiness which is best achieved by living a heart-centered life that translates into sharing love and caring for each other, a deep connection with our Creator, simplicity, abundance and contemplation.

What a freedom and liberation to be open about who we truly are! No more need for manipulation. We stop sending mixed signals. People can decide on their own if we are the type of person they would like to know better. We prefer being alone (but not lonely) than to spend time with incompatible people. Despite all our personal flaws, we still believe we are lovable just the way we are. We create a life that feels good because it is full of the people and the things we love. We become trustworthy as we connect deeper to our core. We empower ourselves to attract into our life what we value most. Our inner peace is less disturbed by external situations, obstacles and tragedies.

Come play with me and take some time to share with the rest of us who you are too!