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It has become clear to me that the events of the past couple of years were meant to get me to step into my authenticity. Most of us are suffering from attachment traumas because our caregivers were not able to give us the unconditional love, reflection, emotional support, attention and availability that we needed to develop into emotionally secure human being. Why? Simply because they suffered the same traumas, and what is not healed is passed on to the next generation. These attachment traumas convert into the belief that something is wrong with us and that we are not lovable (core shame). As a result, we create masks in order to get the love that we desperately need. I have seen this subconscious pattern clearly in my love relationships over a 20-year period. The enmeshment trauma with my mum combined with the absence of my dad has created the unconscious belief that I can only be loved for what I do, the role I play and not for who I am. In this configuration, to be needed is to be loved while too much neediness is putting my inner child in a panic as it reminds this immature self of the pressure it could not handle. So here is my pattern. I fall in love with a woman, and I seduce her by projecting the image of the type of man that she wants. One was in an abusive relationship, so I became her savior. Another one was in deep spiritual search, so I became a spiritual guide. Another one was in search of financial security and status so I became a provider, a successful executive or a vice-consul. Another one needed constant external emotional regulation so I became a full-time caretaker. The trick worked in getting the woman I fell for, but there are consequences. As time passes, my partner gets to see the other parts of me and feels duped. By that time, she is however attached and committed to make the relationship work, especially as she struggles with her own abandonment traumas. Frequent arguments and constant drama are the mark of such relationships as my partner is in love with someone she is incompatible with. Her whole focus becomes about fixing me to become the person I was when I was courting her. This triggers my shame and I respond by pointing her own flaws, which triggers in turn her own shame. In my attempts to get my love relationship to work, I developed impressive skills in holding a container for someone I am not compatible with. This is truly exhausting. Stepping into authenticity, being completely open about who I am with the belief that I am lovable the way I am, is the better alternative.
To be authentic, we first have to know who we are. I am a Gemini man who is known to be the most complex sign of the zodiac. To make the matter harder, this is also a mutable sign. Now that I am in my 40s, I feel I can better define the core of who I am, and I am going to make my best attempt to describe it. I invite every one of you to do the same exercise.
Who am I?
I am curious, smart, adventurous, responsible, positive, high-energy, a free spirit, driven, loyal, flexible, resilient, complex, eccentric, daring, resourceful, spiritual, creative, perseverant, intense, self-reliant and introspective. I am a spiritual warrior, a magician, a lover and a leader. On the negative, I can be stubborn, willful and uncompromising when I have made up my mind. I am afraid of boredom. I have several splits: warm, loving and generous vs cold-hearted, kind & sweet vs insensitive, very social vs solitary, deeply intimate vs emotionally unavailable. I do not smoke, rarely drink, do not drink coffee, never take medication unless seriously sick, I am a vegetarian and believe in a healthy lifestyle. I value financial security and believe in living within your means. I believe in fairness, justice and reciprocity.
I love women and I am a sexual being. I love physical touch but I love connecting just as much through deep, introspective and interesting conversations. Sex is only appealing to me when it comes with a love connection. I love to love and to feel loved. I am very cuddly as I go to sleep and wake up in the morning but I will pull away in my sleep during the night. I love women who have embraced their darkness, sexuality and authenticity but can also be kind, motherly and protective. I love their purity of heart, spontaneity and sensitivity. I am into witches and artists. I am slightly love avoidant so I need someone who has the capacity to handle my coming and going with minimum anxiety. I am an alpha and I do not mind sharing the lead with a powerful woman as long as there is respect, reciprocity and no double standard. I enjoy nurturing from women tremendously. I like to be needed but not smothered. The times I have been the happiest in my life have been in an intimate relationship so love relationships are very important to me.
In friendship, I am loyal and I rely on my personal interactions with a person rather than other people’s opinions. I like people who are vulnerable, authentic and share their feelings openly. I prefer one-on-ones to group interactions, as I like to go deep. I like kind, complex and secure individuals where silence is just as comfortable as conversation. The security to care for each other in difficult times is important to me.
I love my teenage children, want to earn back their love to reconnect with them.
I am comfortable around crowds and I am expert at networking though I prefer more intimate gatherings.
I am an entrepreneur and a problem solver. I love starting new ventures from scratch. I need to use my mental capacities to make a difference in people’s lives. I enjoy financial independence through real estate or business. I like stretching myself and taking risk. I need an interesting career project that is outside my relationship. I like to have control over my own time. I love working from inspiration. I transform the suffering I went through, to help others going through the same ordeal using my life experience. I like philanthropic work especially for more difficult environments such as jail, hospice, orphanage, parental alienation and ritual abuse. I love that feeling to know I have made a difference in someone’s life. I want to be liked and respected in the community for my contribution. I need significance, not only vicariously by association but also for my own contribution. I like teaching, and having a leadership role.
My favorite sport is tennis and I like playing it competitively. I enjoy skiing, scuba diving, biking, hiking, camping, going to the gym and running. Though I love going to the beach, I enjoy the mountains even more. I like watching movies that are meaningful, documentaries and French movies. I like going out to restaurants and performances with my loved ones. My favorite music is transcendental, 80s pop, French and classical. I like a nice comfortable & beautiful home. I like community living for the emotional support, company, and convenience but I need to have enough one-on-one time with my beloved. I love traveling and exploring new exotic places. I like inviting people over for dinner and company. I enjoy cooking food for others as long as it is not everyday and an expectation. I like organizing weekend get-outs and vacation for my loved ones. I love the outdoors.
Meaning is important to me. I want the feeling that I have an impact and that my life is meaningful. I want a purposeful life that improves the quality of many lives. I want to live a heart-centered life. I want to awaken my subtle senses and feel so much more about life, people, animals and plants. I want to be healthy, be physically active and pain free. I like to do process work with people, to bring them to a space of new realizations and change their lives. I like process work too when I am able to get new release or understanding. I believe in balance, and in a life with eyes on the sky with feet planted solidly on the ground. I enjoy shamanic work, and accessing higher awareness to improve my life. I enjoy writing about my inner life and new understanding. My life is driven by the pursuit of happiness which is best achieved by living a heart-centered life that translates into sharing love and caring for each other, a deep connection with our Creator, simplicity, abundance and contemplation.
What a freedom and liberation to be open about who we truly are! No more need for manipulation. We stop sending mixed signals. People can decide on their own if we are the type of person they would like to know better. We prefer being alone (but not lonely) than to spend time with incompatible people. Despite all our personal flaws, we still believe we are lovable just the way we are. We create a life that feels good because it is full of the people and the things we love. We become trustworthy as we connect deeper to our core. We empower ourselves to attract into our life what we value most. Our inner peace is less disturbed by external situations, obstacles and tragedies.
Come play with me and take some time to share with the rest of us who you are too!
11 thoughts on “Stepping into authenticity”
I like who you are 🙂
Love this! Thanks buddy.
Awesome!!! I love getting this insight into who you are and I look forward to getting to know you better in person 🙂
I experienced your words as very thoughtfelt(not a word i know), insightful, and self aware. Your introduction to this new lease in your life feels like an authenticity SHOUT OUT! … and was beautiful for me to read. I see you stepping into your power with sweet abandon and courage. I will be interested to hear more about your journey Ale!
I like adrenaline, comedy and theatre. Improving my spiritual powers through emotional processing. I love deep transformational healing and healing orhers but not to the point of dissociating and losing aspects of my self that loves adrenaline and adventure. My life was very hard and my family was cruel to me and I often don’t trust nice people because it can be a mask for deep condescending manipulation and my fear is that I would be fooled again and again by people who I trust. I enjoy risk and action but not to the point that I risk the quality of life of my family.
I am very intense and enter into relationships with the mindset of trying not to lose it immediately before I realize if it’s wanted or not and then I myself become manipulative and greedy as a result. My constant awareness of my shadows keep me responsible. It’s hard to hold back and i say what’s on my mind whether I regret it later on or not. I usually don’t regret it. I have held leadership roles in the past and when I work with clients in my new profession, my goal is to empower others and so I am careful with my words so that I do not hurt someone and I have the ability to detect the energy of someone’s thoughts therefore I know immediately how I am impacting another person and I ask right away what is on their mind so I can raise the vibration if something feels bad. I am jovial, down to earth and I rarely take action for the purpose of materialism in a shallow way. I feel that I would shine whether I wore a potatoe sack or a nice pretty dress. My father was always about looking perfect and having money so I find meaning in having nothing. I value honesty and truth however I will take good morals over honesty any day. This means if someone is lying to secure good morals then I will have their back. I have highly sexual energy from a Plutonian natal chart, which is balanced out with Jupiter conjunct my sun. This means I enjoy lifting others up adding to their self esteem and creating security and empowerment for those in need. When I empower someone, I always know what needs to be said. I’m very mothering in that way. As a parent I don’t believe in doing everything for my children, not that I really could anyway. I have worked so much on myself to be more kind and supportive to them. I have had them taken away from me and it was the worst loss I have ever experienced. We are still recovering from that loss although it has been years since we reunited. Sometimes I am with my son who is almost 10 and although I know he is safe and with me, I grieve for his 18 month old self that woke up one day not knowing where I was. Naive and young, my biggest regret although it was my only option at the time to leave them in the care of their father who used them to hurt me, although by leaving them with him, I helped him out. Because I left him, he would be discharged honorably from military service due to parental hardship (I gave him a way out) and with that he went on to pursue a higher education for free and had housing paid for. My family has always had the means to help me and do so as little as possible and they only add more support if they fear their reputation would be at risk.
I’m loyal to a fault, I hold deep ancient wisdom. I cuss like a sailor and can speak to many different crowds and types of people. I hate being pigeonholed. I resent when I feel that teachers tell me there’s something wrong with who I am or what I do/say, it makes me feel threatened. I am territorial like a junk yard dog at times. My personality is split between police/judge and anarchist who likes to party. I have gumption. I am resourceful. I am very private and also loud. I fear boredom as well. I find danger attractive yet am constantly safe guarding from it.
I love to investigate things. I can speak to a crowd and individuals. As much as I create a mask that I am a bad person, I am a really good person. I am not needy, but when I get attachment anxiety I usually am not open about it, instead I am strong. My dream is to live on a communal farm, ride horses, learn to play music, dance with others, spend time in nature, do my spiritual business. Write a book or have a podcast as well. My business is called true Potentials because it was always meant to be a network for those who have risen out of fear, come out of the deep web of patriarchal business and have begun to do what benefits them to do, not to be used as a tool for the corrupt slavery system. I hope that people will be conscious shoppers and purchase services and goods from those who are not filtering all of its profits to the top of greedy corporations. I’ve been fired from nearly every job I’ve had because I have integrity in this way. I make demands without power. I trip, fall and fight although dangerous at times for what I believe and I speak for those often who have been silenced. I have been forsaken many times over and would like to stop this cycle.
My mother came from a matriarchal family and my father from a patriarchal one. This is a part of my purpose. To find out how to even those scales. I believe change can be implemented in a positive way. I don’t believe that killing people who commit grotesque crimes against the sovereignty of children is considered fighting fire with fire, I see it as putting the fire out. Not that I am a psychopath, but I am okay with the vigilantes of the world.
I am telepathic and I live a very understated life for the power that I hold and the knowledge that I have. My enlightenment came from suffering. When I meditate i fall asleep. I meditate better if I am doing something like riding a bike, chanting, etc..
I feel very bipolar sometimes and i am on with it I just wish I had People around who loved me to soften the blow of my deep depressive states.
I’m a tease, a flirt, and a prude. No one will ever figure me out, including me. I know there are many traumas that I don’t remember yet also have awareness of at the same time. I ask my soul for the information, then I hear what happened loud and clear, and an waiting for the time to process.
I have gumption and tarot cards. I am an undereducated spiral or of great knowledge who likes shock value and party tricks.
Some of my aspects are black Americans. Sometimes the voice in my head is a black man but it’s also my protector guide. Being spiritual is so so funny. I like craziness and appreciate when people fly off the handle sometimes I think it’s funny. Ofcourse not if people get hurt but sometimes when people “snap” it is really funny in retrospect. Must be the Scorpio in me. Maybe one day I will write an American comedy act. I love birds and placating. Birds do it all the time. Im a witch. I care deeply and also give zero fucks.
I love this! I’m a Pisces and I can totally relate to you in so many ways. I would love to get to your level of authenticity and human BEING, like you mentioned in your last post. So many layers to shed.
Great good came out of the relationship 🙂
You are more authentic people now
Hey there Ale! Congrats on manifesting a personal freedom from a ball and chain! I’m sure the ladies will swoon over a french bachelor such as yourself! But maybe sit back, relax, enjoy being single and not bound to any other person or place or thing. Relationshits are kinda overrated. 😀
Ale, gotta say this resonated with me quite a bit. Thank you for writing/sharing it.
I count myself fortunate to have met and interacted with you on a number of occasions. And hope to do so again soon.
One thing about me is that I am always imagining others as being way too busy, and I use that as an excuse to avoid contacting them even though they might well welcome further contact.
I too prefer one on one, or at most small groups in order to go deep. I too have shame and inauthenticity deeply ingrained.
Often when I am being authentic, others project upon me other things I never imagined it could look like to them. These situations often do not turn out well, despite my best intentions.
Perhaps too often I have tried to be that caretaker… unasked and thus not surprisingly unappreciated.
We (the internet) tried to tell you that Teal was after financial security and status… now that the Rosy colored glasses are falling off, I hope you take the steps to do introspection so you don’t repeat the same mistakes again!
You are a brave man Ale being able to access your real true self and express it so eloquently to the world and more importantly… To yourself 🙏
I am a true dichotomy of the powerful driven divine feminine /with a dash of “little girl” who believes in 🧚♀️ fairytales, white horses and princesses 👸.
I struggle with extreme anxiety yet am fearless in love and business adventures.
I love deeply and unconditionally, communicate with my heart 💜 yet fear it will once again be taken advantage of, so … I’m working on the “trust” thing
I know we all appreciate your sharing Ale, you’ve given us all allot to think about . Showing who we truly are REALLY is the only way to avoid “surprises” down the line in relationships! such a huge revelation for us all 😮
Thanks 🙏 for inviting us to play .